Halloween Then

This year I thought my kidlet might get cold in his costume, so we opted for warm Superman sleeper pajamas over a set of skeleton pajamas and set out with the tween, spouse, my dad, and my grandfather.

That's right, three generations Trick or Treating together. We've been doing this since I was JabberWalky's age.  Every year we'd gather at my grandparents' house and then venture out into the neighbourhood en masse to share in some good quality grandparents time.

Grandpa hasn't changed much. He's thinner now, a bit slower, but his smile is just the same, as is his laugh when the littles get spooked by his neighbours' long planned shenanigans.

One year, when I was young, one of his neighbours had his friends hide in the bushes dressed as were-beasts, and they jumped out as we approached begging for candy.  This year his children had taken over the spooking. 

So much is the same.  I often was wearing a couple sets of pajamas for a costume, though the outermost layer of mine would be my prettiest flowiest gown in stead of the winter equivalent of Underoos.  Don't take that to mean that I didn't have my Wonder Woman ones on under all the princessy nightgownage, because I probably did.

So tonight, I felt a little bit like I was a tiny kidlet again, walking down the street with my Grandpa, rushing up to each house to exclaim "Trick or Treat," just like it was more than twenty years ago.  Halloween now is a lot like Halloween then, just, you know, Halloween then was then-i-er.

For more on Halloween Then, check out TheSitsGirls, because Tiffany is pretty, and unicorns are real.

Isn't it always the story?

If you have a real life, which you certainly do, then you know it's sometimes hard to keep up with the online world.
Well, I'm a total scatter brain lately, but there's something I've been obsessively looking at.  Soap.

Pretty

I bought some wonderful hand made soap this summer and am dreading it being gone so I'm scouring the internet for the best lovingly handcrafted soaps out there, and of course, I've been looking at Goat Milk Stuff Soap for a while, and of course, they're having a GIVEAWAY, and I don't notice til an hour before it's over. Where is my brain?
Too busy learning about the difference between cold process soaps and hot process soaps. That's where.
Well, if you're awake, reading, and in a hurry, they're having a fabulous giveaway. It just ends, like... nowish.
Goodluck.

Wordless Wednesday: Tis a Gift to be Simple

Wordless Wednesday 

Worthless.

This morning, over on Single Dad Laughing, I read a thought provoking piece on the types of negative and demeaning comments women make about themselves, and how Dan, the Single Dad himself, thinks that the problem basically boils down to men behaving like Neanderthals and oogling airbrushed magazine covers, and prairie-dogging when a young busty hottie with "perfect legs" walks by.
I applauded taking some of the blame, but mostly, I cringed.

Why, oh why, does it have to be about the men in our lives?  At some point, YES, if men stopped behaving like hormonal teenagers whenever they saw something idealized, maybe that would change how many women hurt to see that some idealized version of the female body seems to turn her partner or desired partner's head more than she does.  Yes, that can hurt. Yes, men should be more aware of it, but it's NOT ABOUT THE MEN.

Yes, I yelled that.

This is about women. When women say hurtful things about themselves, it isn't because a man put that notion into our head. There are a lot of reasons.

We live in a society that tells us we have to be perfect to be valued, but we are contributing members of that society. Why are there airbrushed scantily clad women on magazine covers? Because they sell. And not just to men. To women.  We have agreed that these skinny ready-to-roll icons are what we should be, full well knowing that for many women, it's unattainable.

Quick question- who is the most beautiful woman on the planet?  Did a bunch of famous faces flash through your head? Did you sort them by "her lips are too big," "she's too bony," "she could stand to lose a few pounds," or "maybe if she were a readhead."  Now, who is the sexiest man on the planet?  Again, finding little bitty things you would change about everyone you consider?

Now, of all the women you've known, who was the most beautiful? The sexiest? Of all the men?

Serioiusly, think about it.

I am going to wager that a lot of the people we really find amazingly sexy, desirable, or worthy of emulation don't really fit into the mold of idealized perfection.  I certainly know that one of the most beautiful women I can think of weighs nearly 300 lbs and wouldn't make it on the cover of Cosmo, but I don't think anyone who knows her would argue that she isn't beautiful. Because when we look at people in our lives, when we talk to them, do we really continue to view them based on their thighs and cheekbones?  No, we don't. We notice the light in their eyes, the way they smile, we view them as them.

So why on earth do we continue to heap upon ourselves this load of bull that we have to compare ourselves to idealized standards?  It's not because something turns a man on.

I have an unpopular hypothesis. I think we continue to devalue ourselves because we want to.  We're afraid that if we admit "Hey, I'm spectacular. I'm beautiful, I'm smart, I'm funny, and I'm just right the way I am," then we don't have any more excuses.  So we CHOOSE to see the worst in ourselves and raise the bar of what we should be higher and higher and make it more and more unattainable so we can always say "spectacular is too hard to achieve, so I'm not going to try."

It's not just about how we look. It's whether or not we try new things, whether or not we try to get that new job, why we don't put ourselves out there.  It's safer, and easier to say "I can't, I'm not good enough, I'm not going to try."

No man does that to us.  We do it to ourselves.  They do it to themselves.

So guys, yes, stop being jerks. It feeds into the complexes of those of us who are more comfortable being afraid of believing in ourselves.  But moreover, EVERYONE- take a look in the mirror. Find something you like.  Chances are, someone else likes it too.  Now think about something you're good at.  See, there? Look at you being all good at something.  You're awesome.  Now make a point of finding the awesome in others and making sure they know you know it.

NOTE- This isn't nearly as eloquent as what I want to write, but at the moment I feel like timely is more important than eloquence.

Wordless Wednesday: Apples with Friends

Wordless Wednesday

On Subsequent Showers

When you see a newborn baby, can you tell, by looking just at the baby, what that baby's birth order was?  No, you really can't.

Not even at 3 months

When I was pregnant with my second child, and excited about my upcoming shower, a usually very nice woman looked at me, aghast, and said "you don't get to have a shower for your second baby.  That's just wrong.  Showers are for first babies."  She proceeded to go on about how second showers are greedy and in poor taste.

If felt like getting slapped, and I have to say, took a lot of enjoyment out of my baby shower, the following weekend.  It upset me so much that I still feel punched in the gut about it and my baby is nearly a year and a half old.  Of course, when I said "my daughter is 10 years old, we have no baby stuff, and I never had a shower when I was pregnant for her, so what, then I just don't get one ever?" she backpedaled, a little.  She did add "well, if you didn't invite anyone who may have sent a gift for her, I guess it's alright."

No. It's not alright.  It's good, and wonderful, and exciting.

Showers are celebrations of the coming life and ways for communities of friends and family to come together to meet the needs of the soon-to-be-born baby and lift the spirits of the tired mother, presumably in her third trimester, or as more and more often done, the exhausted new mother.

Even women whose children are born less than 2 years apart are likely to have given away much of their newborn gear to a friend or relative, if one is inclined to use sposies, they're always in need, as are things like wipes and other non-renewable things.

In about two hours, I'm heading to a baby shower, for a second baby, of a dear friend of mine.  This baby will be some 5 years younger than her brother. I know for a fact that this mother has given away most of her baby gear since the birth of her son, as we rocked her co-sleeper and Boppy, are still rocking her high-chair, and lots and lots of other baby paraphernalia, and we weren't the first fortunate recipients of her son's hand-me-downs.  Yet, when I tweeted that my friend was having a shower the other day, some people started in with the "subsequent showers are greedy" script.

No. They are not greedy.

In this case, the mom didn't run out and register for all the things she wants, and the friend hosting sent out a low key invitation asking for loved but lovable hand-me-downs.  Me? I made a quilt similar to the one I made for her big brother five years ago. I might also be bringing some prefolds, because lets face it, every house needs them, even when you're planning on going sposie.  My mom plans to bring some zinc oxide butt cream and some icky nasty sposies, just like she would for a first baby's shower. Why?  Because the people who say that gifting a subsequent child and preparing for their birth is selfish have missed the point.  It's not about how many times you give to a specific family, whether the second or the fifth child. It's about being there for the mom, supporting and welcoming the kidlets to come.

There is no law saying that because you went in to buy the $300 stroller and carseat combo last time that you have to spend as much for a second child, maybe $15 on a sweater and hat or $5 on a new pack of bibs, a sweet lovey/skullie or maybe even a little baby sized sock monkey. I prefer handmade myself, but this isn't about me.  It's about welcoming and preparing for a new baby.  You can even bring something small for the older sibling. It's all good.  Show up, spread the love. That's the point.

So before you get all irritable the next time you hear someone is having a second, or a third, or a fourth baby shower, remember, there are always things, even small inexpensive things, like infant nail clippers which retail for $1.50, which will make the family more ready for the baby, and give everyone a great opportunity to get together and send a strong message of support to the mother.

Hate the "stuff" part of showers but want to support a mom who really does have everything?  Why not give her a Blessing Way instead of a shower?  None of the naysayers can effectively argue that heaping blessings on a mama is selfish and inappropriate.

Reflections

A tranquil Saturday afternoon is worth a thousand errands.

Surviving the ER with a Baby

Let me begin by saying, you don't want to be in the ER with a baby. Not for the baby, not for you, not for your other kids, not for your spouse.
Generally speaking, you don't want to be in the ER, and you certainly don't want to take anyone extra with you if you can avoid it.
So first, I suggest keeping the number of someone who can watch your offspring, in case of emergency, handy.
Next, you're going to need to remember that even though the beds get clean sheets and pillow cases, the visitor chairs and floors do not get cleaned between patients and have all the germs of all the people who have used them. The nurses can't wash the soles of their shoes between patients, so the germs from the floor of the room with the coughing up blood patient get tracked onto the floor of the patient with the broken wrist. Therefore- KEEP BABY OFF THE FLOOR.
Does your kidlet like a stroller? Bring the stroller.  But also bring your most comfortable sling.  If you don't have time to grab it, call someone to have them bring it to you.  You're going to be tired as is, you certainly don't need to wear your arms out when babywearing is so much easier.

Don't put off nursing the baby because you're in a strange place.  If your wee one is nursing, take advantage of the fact that you can help calm and soothe your baby, and boost his/her immune system by nursing him.  The nurses and doctors aren't going to forget how to do their job if you're nursing, but if your wee one is hungry and screaming, they might just get distracted.
Toys.  If at all possible, only hand baby toys which can be sterilized before you leave, and if a toy hits the floor, it needs to go in a plastic bag and not be handed back to baby. Remember that bit about the floor? Nothing that touches the floor gets handed to baby. Ever.
Sippy cup hits the floor?  Bag it. Pacifier? Bag it.
Now here's where you get a break.  Most hospitals no longer have rules against cell phones in the ER.  If you've got a smart phone and an unlimited data plan, you can go to youtube.com and find great content like Celebrity Lullabies with Ricky Gervais

Don't have a smart phone with a data plan?  Do you have a MP3 player?  Baby just might be okay with listening to one of your earbuds, just remember to keep the volume down.

You can survive the ER with a baby in tow, just remember to keep baby off the floor and be prepared to be there for quite a while.
Goodluck, and may you never need this advice.

Baby enjoying the same rules applying to inpatient care rooms.

Do you have any tips on surviving the ER with a youngling?

Did I mention the Frankenbelly?

So as I pointed out yesterday, we've been working on some home improvement projects that have been dragging pretty badly.
This is partly a result of the Frankenbelly.
See, about two months ago we rented a huge dumpster.  A really huge dumpster. The plan was to pull out all the creepy stuff from the garage and basement and load it up in the dumpster with haste so as to not obsess over each bit of moth eaten or mildew retaining sentiment we came upon.  It started quite promisingly, but then spouse thought he had dislocated a rib.  He was in horrid pain after the first few days of moving stuff around and the pain kept getting worse.
Well, one night it was unbearable and he was having trouble breathing. Deciding that chest pain and shortness of breath was a bad combination in a forty something dude with high blood pressure, we went, late at night, to the emergency room.  Many many exhausting hours, much dilaudid, an EKG, CT, X-Ray, bloodwork and Ultrasound later, the culprit turned out to be his gallbladder.
Also, look for my "surviving the ER with a baby" post tomorrow.

How is YOUR pain?

I did enjoy getting to watch the ultrasound and finding that I could identify some organs much more easily than I had expected, but I could also tell it was pretty bad by the way his gallbladder looked like a cross-section relief of a bag of polyhedrals, mostly D-20s.
The ER doctor referred spouse directly to the surgeon on call who couldn't see him til the following Tuesday. He basically survived the weekend on percocet and laying still.  Surgery was scheduled for Wednesday, and the laproscopic version turned out to be a big bag of FAIL.  Apparently his gangrenous and scarred gallbladder had adhered to things it shouldn't have and he had to have the big nasty open cholecystectomy.
Lovely.
So, 40 staples and a 10" scar later, his neat and clean outpatient surgery has turned into a multi-day inpatient stay.  Then a week later it was back to the ER with horrible chest pain and shortness of breath.
This time?  Bile leak into the chest cavity. You don't want that.  Another small surgery to place a drain and it was time to go home. For a day.
Why just a day? Back to the ER with even more unbearable chest pain and shortness of breath.  (He also got a lot of oxygen in the hospital with each stay because that's what happens when you've got 20+ oz of bile pressing against your lungs.)  What?  more bile leak issues?  Isn't there a drain?  Oops. the drain was completely clogged. Drat.  So, drain flushed, and sent home again.
About a week later he was scheduled for an ERCP to place a stent to stop the leak.  That will come out in about another week.  Of course, the stent placement led to pancreatitis, which led to weakness, which led to him turning blue and hypoxic.  But he seems pretty stable these days.  It will be 9 weeks of medical drama when that stent comes out, and we're optimistic that they won't have to put a new stent in and that he won't get pancreatitis again.  You know, because I'm an optimistic fool like that, but here's to hoping.

So now he has a scarred up Frankenbelly, and it's making it a little hard to get much done that involves heavy lifting and more than one person.  But we're still going at it.  Wish us luck!

Home Sweet Home Renovation

I've been pretty quiet lately, but a lot has been going on.  We decided to try to finish redoing our basement and garage this summer by converting it all into living space, and not just the usual man cave with bar stools and flat screen basement reoutfitting, but a real living space improvement conversion.  I'm talking luxurious bathtub with hot-tub like jets, laundry room, master bedroom suite, basement and moving the family room out to the large (fully heated and insulated) former garage.

So of course, I've been putting a lot of thought into how to decorate all of this once we finish getting it gutted. Yeah, we've been on this task for months now and are still working on gutting what was/is down there.  But part of that delay has been trying to figure out just what I want to do.  You know, giant  hand built TARDIS wardrobe and console room copper walls or something a little less fan girl?  Or I could go with this sweet TARDIS cut out, you know, because I can't quite give up the fangirl in me...

Yeah, that's right, you can get a TARDIS cut out from the CSNstores websites, of which AllBarstools.com is just one of over 200, so I'm really excited that they're sponsoring a review so I can put some of my fan-girl on this house rennovation, you know, once we get back on track with this whole project.  Of course, I'm spending way too much time on the CSNstores websites because they carry such a great variety of wares like kidlet toys, shoes, clothes lines, sewing machines, furniture, and even puppy wear.

So stay tuned for a follow up review of their customer service and great selection, as well as some before and after pictures of this home improvement quagmire.  Who knows, I may need a wet bar by the time I'm done, and if that's the case, I'll definitely be checking out some barstools. 

Wordless Wednesday: Let's Go Fly a Kite

Wordless Wednesday