One of my favorite things in the whole wide world is water.
I love to drink it, soak in it, feel it running down my skin, watch the sunlight ripple off of it, smell it in the air.
I love water.
I love lakes, rivers, oceans, bathtubs, pools, creeks, streams, brooks, and fish bowls. Love it.
So today, when Snapdragon was in a happily dozing mood, I left him in the nearly capable hands of Spouse and snuck off for an hour to go swim at the gym in the delightfully regulated warm water pool. Now, the warm water pool attracts a lot of people, but mostly people looking for some pain relief but still wanting to be mobile. Its what got me hooked on the pool. When I arrived, I was the only person there, and that was perfect. I had the whole pool to myself, to float, swim, work on my aqua-pilates and ai chi all I wanted without having to talk to anybody. Little did I know that the talking to others would prove so interesting.
Shortly after getting into the pool and beginning to take advantage of the wet solitude, another woman came into the pool and she began doing her stretches near me.
I am not socially adept, so I make myself greet the non-creepy people if they come withing a certain distance of myself.
Very shortly after greeting the woman and exchanging pleasantries, Snapdragon came up conversationally in the way that children do, and she inquired about him and shared that her daughter had a 2 month old baby, and this led the conversation to becoming ever increasingly personal. We talked about how her daughter was breastfeeding and how she worried that her daughter's maternity leave was insufficient because of how tightly the two were bonded to one another, and then I did something that I hadn't realized was all that controversial.
I made a comment about co-sleeping.
Her body language changed entirely and she began asking questions. The types of questions you'd expect to be asked if you were being investigated for neglect. Questions like do you have a co-sleeper or does the baby just sleep in the bed with you. Then it comes out that she chairs the committee that investigates all the infant and child deaths in the state.
Interesting.
But she continues to tell me that co-sleeping accidents account for what she implied was a majority of infant mortalities, and I blinked, because I am quite sure that it isn't the majority culprit, elsewise there would most certainly be a stronger anti-co-sleeping campaign than there already is. It wouldn't just be "back to bed, tummy to play," but "back to YOUR OWN bed, tummy to play." Surprisingly, it isn't.
So I ask, "Do you find, statistically, that most of the co-sleeping related mortalities also involve the use of alcohol, sedatives, or other drugs?"
"Yes," she says, "it's the first question we ask when investigating."
Hmmm.
Interestingly, by the time we'd finished our conversation, I felt even better about my choice to co-sleep, but I also could honestly say, no, my husband doesn't sleep in the bed because he sleeps too soundly and neither of us are comfortable with him sleeping in the same bed as Snapdragon, and yes, we do have a rigid sided co-sleeper in the bed. Snapdragon doesn't always use it, but we do use it frequently. No, I don't take any drugs, use alcohol, smoke, or otherwise utilize mind and wakefulness impairing substances, and because I'm a light sleeper and breastfeeding, I am more keenly aware of his movements. Oddly, she seemed supportive by the end of the conversation. Aparently her daughter is a co-sleeper too.
So why, oh why, can someone please tell me why is it that someone who isn't actually against co-sleeping would react with something tantamount to horror and professional clinical question badgering when confronted with the idea of co-sleeping?
Seriously. Why? I don't get it. I don't understand why something that people have done since the dawn of time would get this kind of reaction, when even according to her the problem isn't the location of the sleeping but the extraneous irresponsible circumstances?
We need to take a moment to step back and reevaluate our knee-jerk reactions, because with her credentials, if i'd not pressed the issue of discussing causes as opposed to circumstances, I might be tonight worried sick over how I was going to alter our sleeping schedule and arrangements to better fit the standard detached and aloof parenting model of dropping the kid in his wooden cage in another room and letting him cry himself unconscious, all because it had been implied that co-sleeping might be dangerous.
On the other hand, I did learn some valuable tips on co-sleeping that I hadn't considered before. This one sticks out in my mind most keenly though. If your bed is not on the floor, you need to not have a garbage can next to the bed, particularily not one lined with a plastic bag, because aparently some squirmy children will find their way off the bed if napping with an overtired parent (who shouldn't be co-sleeping anyway if a child can wiggle off the bed without waking you) but then into the bag lined can, and the story can end most sadly. I hadn't thought of that possibility. I did have a garbage can next to my bed. I no longer do.
I admit my cosleeping patterns aren't perfect. I'd be happier if the mattress was on the floor, and I'm still using a woven blanket. Some habits are harder to break than others. But we're working on it, and so far, it's working really well for us, but it begs the question, are you co-sleeping, and how do people react when you talk about it?
