Winging It

I've been struggling, a lot, lately, with things which normally come naturally to me.
I've found these newfound struggles crushing.

Back on January 31st my choir began rehearsals for a concert which is this evening.
My conductor decided that the second sopranos could use a little more somethin' somethin', and so she asked me to sing that, as opposed to the part I regularly sing, which is first.
It scared me because I have a lot of trouble hearing inner parts.
Let me rephrase that. I can't hear inner parts unless they are substantially louder than the outer ones.
In the past where I've had to do a few lines of second, I have rehearsed it into the ground by how it feels, completely turning off how it sounds in my head, because I can't listen to the outer parts and sing the inner ones.
I know this sounds like self-defeatist talk, with all the "I can't," but I have tried for many many years to learn this, and have consistently failed at it, but it was never a big deal.  I have never particularly needed this skill.  When it came to ear training I could build the outer parts and then experiment with the inner ones until it had the same sound.  It isn't that I can't tell the difference between an f and a g when sung between a b and a d, it's that I can't find it if I have to sing it, and can't tell you which it is without recreating it on a secondary instrument.

So, like I said, I was terrified when my conductor asked me to sing second, but I'm a "can do" kind of girl, and I said "yes ma'am," moved myself to that section, and set out to listen and try to figure it out.

I missed a couple rehearsals. This is not like me, but roads were impassable one night from the village in which we live and the city in which we rehearse and perform. I missed another night when I passed out early in practice (ouch) because I was coming down with a nasty bug. Another night I was stuck out of town on an impromptu business trip from Hades my spouse made me go on after rescuing my niece who had been abandoned some 3 hours from home, yet near where spouse had appointments, and halfway to the appointments for the next day. Fun times.

So, instead of freaking out, I worked on the music a little more than usual outside of the house.
Let me rephrase that. I've spent hours working on the music. I have tried to sing it with various youtube performances of it. I have played it on the piano into the ground. I have written in counts and Solfege and notated intervals of concern.

The performance is tonight. I just finished another hour and a half of practice time. My toddler now knows the song that gives me the most trouble.

Here's the problem. I don't.

I still don't know it.

I. Do. Not. Know. It.

I have never felt more incompetent in my life.

Sure, I kind of have a working knowledge of most of the pieces, but I do not know them. Every time we rehearse, or I sit down to play another it feels like the first time, and I feel like I'm sight reading. It's like the final exam in a class you didn't know you were taking nightmare.

So, what am I going to do? I'm going to wing it.  I'm going to have a little faith in how neatly I've shown myself where I might be able to hear the notes I need to find ahead of time in order to sing them later.  I am going to mouth it when I don't know where we are.
I am going to smile and fake it.

And then I am going to strongly consider resigning from the chorale, because after the many hours I have cried over not being able to learn these super easy Handel pieces, after the panic attacks at the thought of tonight's performance, I don't want to put myself in a position to end up feeling this incompetent ever ever again.

Nothing is worth it.

Any last minute advice for winging it?

Road Trippin'

Signs you may see if you travel interstate 65 through Indiana.
I kid you not.

Heading North

And of course, traveling South...

I wonder what this farmer's wife thinks about these billboards.

On Subsequent Showers

When you see a newborn baby, can you tell, by looking just at the baby, what that baby's birth order was?  No, you really can't.

Not even at 3 months

When I was pregnant with my second child, and excited about my upcoming shower, a usually very nice woman looked at me, aghast, and said "you don't get to have a shower for your second baby.  That's just wrong.  Showers are for first babies."  She proceeded to go on about how second showers are greedy and in poor taste.

If felt like getting slapped, and I have to say, took a lot of enjoyment out of my baby shower, the following weekend.  It upset me so much that I still feel punched in the gut about it and my baby is nearly a year and a half old.  Of course, when I said "my daughter is 10 years old, we have no baby stuff, and I never had a shower when I was pregnant for her, so what, then I just don't get one ever?" she backpedaled, a little.  She did add "well, if you didn't invite anyone who may have sent a gift for her, I guess it's alright."

No. It's not alright.  It's good, and wonderful, and exciting.

Showers are celebrations of the coming life and ways for communities of friends and family to come together to meet the needs of the soon-to-be-born baby and lift the spirits of the tired mother, presumably in her third trimester, or as more and more often done, the exhausted new mother.

Even women whose children are born less than 2 years apart are likely to have given away much of their newborn gear to a friend or relative, if one is inclined to use sposies, they're always in need, as are things like wipes and other non-renewable things.

In about two hours, I'm heading to a baby shower, for a second baby, of a dear friend of mine.  This baby will be some 5 years younger than her brother. I know for a fact that this mother has given away most of her baby gear since the birth of her son, as we rocked her co-sleeper and Boppy, are still rocking her high-chair, and lots and lots of other baby paraphernalia, and we weren't the first fortunate recipients of her son's hand-me-downs.  Yet, when I tweeted that my friend was having a shower the other day, some people started in with the "subsequent showers are greedy" script.

No. They are not greedy.

In this case, the mom didn't run out and register for all the things she wants, and the friend hosting sent out a low key invitation asking for loved but lovable hand-me-downs.  Me? I made a quilt similar to the one I made for her big brother five years ago. I might also be bringing some prefolds, because lets face it, every house needs them, even when you're planning on going sposie.  My mom plans to bring some zinc oxide butt cream and some icky nasty sposies, just like she would for a first baby's shower. Why?  Because the people who say that gifting a subsequent child and preparing for their birth is selfish have missed the point.  It's not about how many times you give to a specific family, whether the second or the fifth child. It's about being there for the mom, supporting and welcoming the kidlets to come.

There is no law saying that because you went in to buy the $300 stroller and carseat combo last time that you have to spend as much for a second child, maybe $15 on a sweater and hat or $5 on a new pack of bibs, a sweet lovey/skullie or maybe even a little baby sized sock monkey. I prefer handmade myself, but this isn't about me.  It's about welcoming and preparing for a new baby.  You can even bring something small for the older sibling. It's all good.  Show up, spread the love. That's the point.

So before you get all irritable the next time you hear someone is having a second, or a third, or a fourth baby shower, remember, there are always things, even small inexpensive things, like infant nail clippers which retail for $1.50, which will make the family more ready for the baby, and give everyone a great opportunity to get together and send a strong message of support to the mother.

Hate the "stuff" part of showers but want to support a mom who really does have everything?  Why not give her a Blessing Way instead of a shower?  None of the naysayers can effectively argue that heaping blessings on a mama is selfish and inappropriate.

Back to School Supplies. A Rant.

If you have children in school, you've likely spent much of the last month or so listening to "when are we going to go school supply shopping?" You might know just how grating that question can get.  Well, we still haven't, even though it's less than three weeks until school starts and the question is posed multiple times per day.
So here's my hang up.
My child's school district is STUPID.
Well, I take that back. The people who compile the list of school supplies are collectively stupid.  I'll rant about the part where the kids have to supply basic supplies for the teachers which should be the school's responsibility later. This is about the overly specific list.

First of all, they separate out the supplies needed for basic classes, Life Studies, Spanish, and Art.  So she needs a total of 3 packages of #2 pencils, but they're listed in different places, because gods forbid someone look at their supplies list and actually see the pertinent number associated with the supply.  No, the parents have to get halfway through the supplies section only to find they have to turn around and get another package of pencils, or another spiral, because the list compiler couldn't be bothered to actually compile a list.

That's not the most irritating part.  It's the branding.
The list specifies which brand of many items to buy. She needs Post-It notes, not sticky notes.  She needs Scotch tape, not just tape.  She is supposed to have Kleenex (despite Kimberly Clarke's abysmal environmental record, why can't it say facial tissue, preferably with recycled content?)  She's suposed to bring Expo Dry-Erase markers. you know, because they couldn't have saed some ink and left off the brand.

I'll give them a pass on the TI-30XIIS Calculator, because when teaching a classroom to use a calculator there's something to be said for everyone having access to the same functions, but just so we're on the same page, I'm going out of my way this year to not buy the brands specified on the list. I absolutely will not do it.   It's bad enough that her scissors must measure 5", whereas last year they were to measure 5 1/4", bad enough that her sprials must be 70ct, wide ruled, non-perforated.  I will not be mindlessly buying branded materials for no reason other than the fact that some employees of the school district are stupid enough to advertise without compensation.

Let's be real.  If I tell someone I love a brand, I tell them why.  Sometimes I only know about it because I'm reviewing it. Sometimes I write reviews of things that I love because they've been truly helpful for me or because I am excited bout them, but those are recommendations.  I might tell you that I LOVE writing with certain pens but can't stand the crappy Bic pens which never seem to work more than a week out of the box. Hey, I usually buy Uniball when I have a choice.  I personally like to let people know what has worked for me and highlight products made by people whom I want to see succeed because I like who they are, what they make, and what they stand for.  However, when I recommend a product, I'm not doing so with the weight of the school district behind me and the threat of your children having their homework considered late until you procure the items I recommend. This is just laziness and completely uncompensated advertising and it irritates me to no end.

So dear school- unless the company is sponsoring your school year, stop telling me to buy their brand.   Further, stop begging me for money when you're dumb enough to do free advertising for major corporations who already have vast name recognition in the market when you could be hitting them up for sponsorship instead.  "If everyone donates just $30 per student" actually makes a difference in my grocery budget, so learn how to do advertising, or stop it all together.
And as for the overly restrictive (and sometimes nearly impossible to find) supplies?  She's going to have something similar, but if the wide ruled spirals cost more than the college ruled? Guess who's going to be rocking college ruled?  My kid.  If you want to cry about it you can wipe your tears in some ethically manufactured facial tissue, because my daughter won't be bringing you any Kleenex.

Oh, and supply your teaching staff with reasonable supplies.  There's no reason the kids should have to supply the dry erase markers and red pens for the whole school.

Plans Cancelled.

I was planning on going to the fireworks at Rhythm & Booms.
It's awesome.
You should go.
It's the second largest display of fireworks in the country, second only to NYC, and it's friendly, easy to get in and out of, and overall, a great experience.
We were going.
Then my husband up and said "what are you going to bring for a nursing blanket?"
A what?
"Whatever it is you use when you're in close proximity to thousands of people."

I have no words for this, other than I'm not going. Not because I'm uncomfortable nursing in public, I'm uncomfortable being in public with people I don't like.


EDITED TO ADD-
After a long conversation about what he "meant" and how it made me "feel," we are most likely still going, and he'll keep his nose out of my nursing.  Sometimes a good long honest and raw conversation can make a huge difference, even if they feel a little scary.

Great Blocks of Goodness

Why so silent?  I've been stewing about some Things that I wanted to respond to objectively.  I'm almost calmed down enough that I can write rationally, but not quite, so I thought I'd talk about something mostly happy!  I like happy, don't you.

A big block of monstrously happy making goodness.  It's soft cushy baby friendly goodness, and Snapdragon likes it profusely.
The minky is swirly pettable fun, the print has Monsters proudly proclaiming what type of monster they are, whether they're friendly monsters or the egg monster, and the ribbons are fun. The ribbons are the MOSTLY happy part. I'll get back to that in a minute.
Snapdragon LOVES his block.  He positively beamed when he got it on his birthday.  He seemed to like the colors and he likes pulling on the ribbons and sucking on the ribbons.  I think the ribbons are delightful too.  Spouse's favorite feature is that it's just the right kind of squishy to use as a pillow in a car on road trips while I'm driving.  Snapdragon also thinks it's great for road trips.  See?

Perfect for car trips.

Snapdragon also thinks that it's the perfect amount of squishy to use as a ball when he can't find one and that it is a good compliment to his world balls for being ruler of the universe.  You know, Earth, Mars, Monster Cube Planet.  

As a mom who loves to sew, I'd also like to point out the fact that the block is very well made, remarkably block shaped for a stuffed toy (or am I the only one who has trouble with stuffed cubes looking like pointy spheres?) and is altogether fun.

I got this block from my dear friend Ailie whose Etsy shop is just bursting with fun felt food and sensory blocks.  You should check her out. You should like her on Facebook too.  She's rad.  She also makes other fantastic blocks, you know, if you don't heart monsters the way I do.

Radness.

Yummy yummy radness.

The MOSTLY part.

This is one of the things I have known I was going to have to blog about but didn't have the words. I'm not fully there yet, but this is a beginning.

See the ribbons?  See how they're lovely and pennant like in that they stop abruptly, are heat-sealed wonders of infant joy inducing raditude?  They're why Snapdragon has a block. My good friend Ailie needed to test out a way to keep the ribbons and not have them loop, yet not fray.  Why can't they just loop?  Because there's this company with a punitive policy of hounding, hampering the business of, and otherwise messing with the groove of WAHMs who have great baby friendly products.  They've somehow managed to get a ribbon loop sewn between two layers of cloth patented.
Yes, that's right.  That tag on the inside of your shirt as a child?  On the backside of your toy?  Those loops of ribbon telling you how to wash your mom's fifty year old blouse that was her mother's?  Well they have somehow managed to get a patent on that technology, despite the fact that it's been used for a long time prior to them. Maybe I'll patent water.  I also think they have a patent on being jack asses, so next time you see someone doing that, be sure to tell them someone else holds a patent and they need to cease and desist.  
Note I'm not naming the company.  I want their internet trolls to have to do their work before finding this post, because troll they do, and mostly on Etsy.  A friend with looped ric rac (you know, because that's SO exactly like a ribbon, except for the part where it isn't a ribbon at all) on her baby friendly product just had her products pulled the other day.  So not cool.
So yeah, these blocks are made of AWESOME, and I love ours.  The WAHM who makes them is a great mom, a creative woman, and an all around delight to have in the online business world and as a friend.

So yes, I think people should buy her awesomeness because she's my friend, but more so because I don't like bullies, and I view spreading awareness of her goods as a way to stick it to the corporate man, and lets face it, he needs it stuck.

Disclosure: Yep, I tested her non-loopy prototype all freetasticly.  Also, if there's actually some poor government employee who has to read these ridiculous disclosures, you straight up should buy one of these for the next baby shower you attend.  It'd be like sticking it to the man while sticking it to the man, oh, and go eat a cupcake.  Working for the government is probably pretty soul sucking, and cupcakes are good for that.

Vaccinating against health.

According to an article by Judith Potts for Telegraph, there's some very promising strides being made toward a vaccine which could prevent breast cancer.


This is a topic near and dear to my heart.  In 2007, my grandmother was diagnosed with breast cancer. In 2009 she passed away.  Despite a mastectomy, hormonal therapy, and radiation, the tumors kept recurring and spreading.  Breast cancer terrifies me.  
YET, I'm not thrilled about this possible vaccine.Why?


According to the article,  an immunologist at the Cleveland Clinic in Ohio, Dr Vincent Tuohy, as well as other researchers such as Dr Leatham, at University College London, have found a specific protein, alpha-lactalbumin, which is present in the majority of breast cancer tumors.  So their brilliant thought?  Innoculate against the protien.  They figure that if they can trick the body into having an immunological response against the protien, then the chance of the cancer developing is reduced. 
That's all fine and dandy, except the part where alpha-lactalbumin is also a component of breast milk.  You know, that stuff that humans, as mammals, produce in order to nourish their offspring?  You know, that stuff which developed as part of the immune system in order to help the infant transition from a sterile environment into one full of thousands of bacteria and viruses.  You know, the stuff that helps the developing intestines transition to foods and reduces the likelihood of allergies?  You know, the stuff that has been associated with higher IQs, stronger immune system, and lowered risk of Type II diabetes in both the mother and child, lowered risk of obesity, lowered risk of asthma, and lower incidence of crib death SIDS.
Oh yeah, I almost forgot, breast feeding is also linked to lower risk of breast cancer in the mom. 


So the notion is, give females this vaccine so they maybe won't develop breast cancer, you know, the thing they're less likely to get if they have a healthy immune system (possibly in part to having been breast fed) are not obese (partially linked to having been breast fed) and if they breastfeed their own offspring.


The only foreseeable tradeoff?  Their offspring are less healthy and women are still being put at risk.  Not to mention the whole experimental nature of this type of treatment.
This part here possibly makes me the most nervous.  Potts writes " this [theorized] vaccine will be used on young women – particularly those who have a family history of breast cancer – and those over the age of 40, when the cancer is more likely to develop but when they are less likely to be breastfeeding."


That's right.  The idea is to give it to those with a history of breast cancer, you know, the ones who could possibly benefit most from the many health benefits of breast feeding.   

The Health Benefits of Breastfeeding

I hate to say it, but this is one case in which I feel like it's one big step for science, and two big steps backwards for women and children's health.


Disclosure: I'm not a doctor, a nurse, or any other sort of medical professional.  I am expressing my opinions based on research I have done as a mother, a lactivist, and a woman who has lost a family member to this horrific disease. 

Warning Update

So it seems that despite my loudest warnings, my own son is deciding not to heed them, and is eating off the motel floor.

Failbook Promotions: or, How a Social Media Giant Learned to Stop Meeting The Needs of It's Users and Love the Bomb

So I've been fixing my various giveaways ever since I found out about the new Failbook promotions policies. I don't want to accidentally refer to them by name, since they're all hot about useage of their name, like coupling the word "face" and "book" in a blog giveaway and saying that the sponsor would like to extend you an extra entry just for joining their fan page is somehow going to make Failbook liable for anything. Seriously. It's not like us bloggers are witch doctors who somehow got a hold of their true name and are going to curse it's tech types with impotence. Nope, they're doing that to themselves with their new promotions guidelines.

Seriously? No big. They don't want to exist in the world of promotions and giveaways? Fine. I don't steer traffic to their site, there's less traffic, they make less from advertisers. Who needs em?

But isn't it all a touch ridiculous?

I think the main points of the new promotions guidelines are pretty simple.

The first rule of Failbook is don't talk about Failbook.

The second rule of Failbook is don't talk about Failbook.

No, really though, don't run your promotions and giveaways on failbook.

Don't allow any entries to any giveaways for doing anything on failbook. Not fanning, not commenting, not posting, nothing.

Don't mention Failbook in your promotions or giveaways- in other words, see rules one and two.

I think I'm just going to roll my eyes and remember that I use Failbook to connect with my parents and great aunts and uncles, and not get too uptight about it. How 'bout you? Is this going to be a big impact on the way you do things?