On Subsequent Showers

When you see a newborn baby, can you tell, by looking just at the baby, what that baby's birth order was?  No, you really can't.

Not even at 3 months

When I was pregnant with my second child, and excited about my upcoming shower, a usually very nice woman looked at me, aghast, and said "you don't get to have a shower for your second baby.  That's just wrong.  Showers are for first babies."  She proceeded to go on about how second showers are greedy and in poor taste.

If felt like getting slapped, and I have to say, took a lot of enjoyment out of my baby shower, the following weekend.  It upset me so much that I still feel punched in the gut about it and my baby is nearly a year and a half old.  Of course, when I said "my daughter is 10 years old, we have no baby stuff, and I never had a shower when I was pregnant for her, so what, then I just don't get one ever?" she backpedaled, a little.  She did add "well, if you didn't invite anyone who may have sent a gift for her, I guess it's alright."

No. It's not alright.  It's good, and wonderful, and exciting.

Showers are celebrations of the coming life and ways for communities of friends and family to come together to meet the needs of the soon-to-be-born baby and lift the spirits of the tired mother, presumably in her third trimester, or as more and more often done, the exhausted new mother.

Even women whose children are born less than 2 years apart are likely to have given away much of their newborn gear to a friend or relative, if one is inclined to use sposies, they're always in need, as are things like wipes and other non-renewable things.

In about two hours, I'm heading to a baby shower, for a second baby, of a dear friend of mine.  This baby will be some 5 years younger than her brother. I know for a fact that this mother has given away most of her baby gear since the birth of her son, as we rocked her co-sleeper and Boppy, are still rocking her high-chair, and lots and lots of other baby paraphernalia, and we weren't the first fortunate recipients of her son's hand-me-downs.  Yet, when I tweeted that my friend was having a shower the other day, some people started in with the "subsequent showers are greedy" script.

No. They are not greedy.

In this case, the mom didn't run out and register for all the things she wants, and the friend hosting sent out a low key invitation asking for loved but lovable hand-me-downs.  Me? I made a quilt similar to the one I made for her big brother five years ago. I might also be bringing some prefolds, because lets face it, every house needs them, even when you're planning on going sposie.  My mom plans to bring some zinc oxide butt cream and some icky nasty sposies, just like she would for a first baby's shower. Why?  Because the people who say that gifting a subsequent child and preparing for their birth is selfish have missed the point.  It's not about how many times you give to a specific family, whether the second or the fifth child. It's about being there for the mom, supporting and welcoming the kidlets to come.

There is no law saying that because you went in to buy the $300 stroller and carseat combo last time that you have to spend as much for a second child, maybe $15 on a sweater and hat or $5 on a new pack of bibs, a sweet lovey/skullie or maybe even a little baby sized sock monkey. I prefer handmade myself, but this isn't about me.  It's about welcoming and preparing for a new baby.  You can even bring something small for the older sibling. It's all good.  Show up, spread the love. That's the point.

So before you get all irritable the next time you hear someone is having a second, or a third, or a fourth baby shower, remember, there are always things, even small inexpensive things, like infant nail clippers which retail for $1.50, which will make the family more ready for the baby, and give everyone a great opportunity to get together and send a strong message of support to the mother.

Hate the "stuff" part of showers but want to support a mom who really does have everything?  Why not give her a Blessing Way instead of a shower?  None of the naysayers can effectively argue that heaping blessings on a mama is selfish and inappropriate.

Wordless Wednesday: Make a Wish

Wordless Wednesday

Blue Monday: Yule Blessings

Happy Yule!

At a wedding earlier this year, my best friend's wedding, actually, we all tied ribbons of blessing onto the broom over which they jumped as part of the handfasting portion of the wedding ceremony. I like this picture today, because this night, this longest night of the year, I think it is a wonderful time to sit down together as a family and reflect on the blessings of the year. The delightful blessings, the blessings that were a little harder to see at the time, you know, the lessons learned type of blessings, the unexpected blessings, the planned for blessings, the blessings shared, and the blessings bestowed.

I hope your year has been blessed, and may each year be even more blessed.

Love & Light.

For more Blue Monday, head over to Smiling Sally.

Midweek Meditation: Compliments

I'm starting something new and wordy for Wednesdays. I want to make a small suggestion on meaningful things which we can aspire to do. This weeks I am thinking of compliments and thanks.

I want you to make a point of trying to give FIVE genuine compliments, or to genuinely thank them, every day this week.

You're laughing, I know. But think about it. I'm not saying to tell a stranger "nice shoes," or "thanks for passing the ketchup," but genuine heartfelt compliments and expressions of gratitude."

Example.
Wrong; "Thanks for watching the kids."
Right "Thank you for spending your time playing with Mongoosine this evening. The time you spend together means a great deal to her, and the way you realligned your schedule to help me out means a great deal to me. It is.a essing to have you in our lives. Thank you."

See the difference?

Wrong: "You rock."
Right: "Your generousity of spirit and patience with advising me when I was struggling with breastfeeding questions and issues has been a tremendous boon to me, and I am grateful for the time you've taken to help me."

I think you get it.
Go forth. Spread the heartfelt goodness we never take the time to put into words, but that will mean so much to the people we want to let know we admire, rely upon, and for whom we are grateful.


Love & Light

essential to diapering- essential saltes baby

Do you remember when I blogged about Random Acts of Kindness? Well, this right here is what I was talking about. When Snapdragon was a tiny baby, only some 11 lbs and very new to the world, one of my "twitter pals," as Mongoosine loves calling them, Christine, (@es_baby) sent him a fluffy. Now, I want to be very clear about the fact that she sent it as a gift for Snapdragon, and not as a "hey, plug my awesomehood" bribe. Granted, I am kinda a fluffy whore, so I'd have been all about that too, but she didn't. That, and I kinda like having the street-cred that you guys all know that if I say "hey, this is great" I mean "hey, this is great," and if I say "hey, this looks great and here's what folk say," it's because I don't yet know and I'm trying to give you the best info I have.

Got it?

So, now let me continue.

My nephew decided he had to be in the picture too. :-)

I heart Snapdragon's esbaby jungle fluffy. Yes, Mongoosine named diaper. Why did she name the diaper? Because it's that cute!

It has a PUL lining, and a layer of flannel over that which is covered in jungle animals. Now before you say "but giraffes lions and zebras are animals of the savanah," let me point out that Mongoosine has declared them jungle animals and so jungle animals they are.

I was really concerned that the hemp inserts didn't look like they'd hold very much when I first got it, and it looked so tiny. Snapdragon mostly wears OS pocket diapers, so this sized diaper just seemed ridiculously small. Well, it was a size small, so that shouldn't have surprised me. What did surprise me was that it fit him so well. At this point it's getting snug because he's a ginormo baby, weighing in at over 14lbs today, but the legs fit so perfectly, frankly, it's one of my favorites.

That said, it was a learning experience. It turns out that being accustomed to wash and go microfiber, I wasn't yet prepared to venture into the realm of hemp, bamboo, or even organic cotton for that matter. Now, Snapdragon's jungle fluffy is one of the esbaby QDAIO (quick dry all-in-one) diapers. That means the soaker snaps into the body of the diaper, which is lined in a nice fluffy fleece, but it snaps out without having to do the icky poopy pocket fishing that a truly craptastic bowel movement leads to. Thank goodness. And it really is quick drying. The layers of the soaker are sewn together down the middle as opposed to around the edges so that there is more surface area, thus reducing drying time.

Back to the learning experience. With the soaker snapped in place, I couldn't resist just puting it straight on him. I've been sewing for 20 years and figured she'd surely washed all the materials before making the diaper and so surely there weren't any nasty chemicals on it that I needed to worry about. Well, it fit cutely, but within half an hour it was leaking all over the place. I was a little disheartened.

Did I mention that microfiber is wash and go? It never occurred t me that I needed to prep the soaker. Doh!

Well, after I'd washed it a few times it quickly became my absolute favorite. It absorbs like nobody's business, looks cute as can be, and fits so well that he can wear sizes intended for babies his size instead of having to size up to account for fluffy butt! I love that his esbaby diaper means that he has a trim enough posterior that it doesn't look like someone padded his bottom like those funky undies they used to sell designed to give you back where baby had none. This diaper lets baby have just enough fluff to stay dry and just enough fluffy butt to look like a baby.

Perfect.

Beyond my immediate experience with the QDAIO diaper, there are other reasons I'm all squeeful about the awesomeness that is essential saltes baby. As I said during a recent #clothdiapers chat on twitter (Mondays at 8pm, be there or... well.. just be there, okay?) they're cloth diapers art. You can check out her etsy shop, or the essential saltes baby website. The number of outer fabric options is dizzying, and if I had to choose my favorite, I couldn't, because she has some of the most spectacular prints from some of my favorite textiles designers like Amy Butler and Alexander Henry Studios. (I'm secretly a quilting junkie.) Further, on top of the vast array (ever notice how arrays are always vast) of fabric choices, she offers a mind boggling number of different diaper styles with customizable absorbant layers so that you can find exactly the diaper you are looking for, front or side snapping, true all in one, quick dry all in one, quick dry all in two, wrapping cover, or even the "Lights Out" cover with two layers of PUL, just in case. Sound confusing? It isn't. To help you figure it out, she's compiled the best cloth diaper explanatory chart I have ever seen. The cloth diapering overview chart in and of itself makes her site more than visit worthy, and since her diapers are spectacular, you simply must go and look. I highly reccomend buying something while you're there.

Now I hear you thinking "but I only like one size diapers" or "but my baby is about to outgrow diapers so I really don't need any more." Well you should go look anyway because I keep hearing rumors (from the source even, so does that make them rumors?) that an es baby one size is in the works, and she also makes wet bags and cloth pads for mama! While you're there, check out the custom cloth wipes and adorable little doll diapers. Admit it, you'd love to diaper your little baby girl and her dolly in matching diapers. She also has a line of organics that are more than well worth a gander. See? So there is a reason for you naysayers to go have a look too.

Maybe it's the Moon Talking: Blessed and Bless-ed

As I was leaving my mother's house tonight after a grueling day of babysitting my nephews, and believe me, grueling is a gentle way of putting it, I happened to glance at her calendar long enough to read that this is the Blessing Moon.
It got me to thinking on my long drive home. Okay, it's like 20 minutes and most of it straight up I-90, but that's under construction so it feels long. But I'm thinking, Blessing Moon.
Is that like from White Christmas when Bing Crosby is singing to his lovely love interest, "When I'm worried and I can't sleep, I count my blessings instead of sheep, and I fall asleep counting my blessings." If you couldn't hear the music in that, go rent it, because everyone needs a little White Christmas in July or any other month for that matter.
So are we supposed to count our Blessings? Or maybe we're supposed to bless things.
That's the problem, like love or even Love, capital L and all, blessing can be a noun or a verb. It can be the act of gifting well wishes, random acts of kindness done or received, a prayer for a friend in need, something fairies do to babies according to all my favorite bedtime stories, or even swearing- a lot.
I'm going to rule out swearing. I have never particularily attributed potty-mouth to the man on the moon, and I most certainly don't think that the intent is to swear like a sailor, although my youngest nephew did whisper a few invectives tonight which just made me giggle on the inside while feigning shock.
So that again brings me back to this fuzzy verb v noun dilemma. Am I supposed to be thankful for blessings received or actively seek to bless others?
Surely by now, seeing as you're probably a little smarter than me, you see where this is going.
It's both.
Blessing is like love. Vital and alive. Organic. You bless me, I am greatful and joyful and through recieving blessings my capacity to give is broadened because I want to share that joy. Perhaps I find a way to bless you back, perhaps I bless someone else, but blessing has a way to grow like a living thing. Just as if I love you it brightens your spirit and makes you want to spread the love, blessing is organic.
Blessing is like a mother's milk and the more it is used, the greater the stores. Blessing isn't a zero sum gain. Like the mother nursing her baby, which is in itself blessing both given and gotten, the more the baby drinks, the more there will be for it to drink. Her breasts do not dry up for over suckling but rather refill according to their usage. Blessing is like that. Each time you are blessed or bless someone, there is a greater amount of blessing to be had. Blessing is not a commodity that can be used up, leaving you bereft of blessings. Blessing is not a glass filled halfway that for each drop lost or gained, that much air is lost or gained. Blessing is the water, and then the air, and the cup and the table it sits on and each awareness of blessing expands it even further. Just as having a second child doesn't lessen the amount of love you can feel for your first because your ability to love grows and expands through its use, so does blessing.
So yes, count your blessings. Remember each and every one of them. Enumerate them like a quiet prayer. It doesn't have to be private if you're bolder than I am, but count them. I am, and this day I have many. Count them. Acknowledge them and their power to transform you into someone a little closer to the person you want to be. Conut them, and then spread them.
Be both bless-ed and bless-or.
Bright Blessings on you and yours this night.

Spreading the Blessed

Today I was blessed with a random act of kindness. I'm not going into details about it just yet, because it is just too precious to spoil, but it's infectious and like any good Typhoid Mary, I just have to spread it.
At first I planned to write about how we encounter too few of these shinig moments where people we might not even really know step forward to do something nice, not because it's expected, but because they want to, or even more amazing, when we do it ourselves, but then I realized it's a lot more common than one might think. Whether it's @KeepEmCookin throwing an impromptu baby shower for a bedrest mom who's own baby shower didn't manage to happen, or the guy who waits an extra thirty seconds before leaving the resturant so that he can hold the door for the harried mother and her four kids piling out of the car in the rain, random acts of kindness are everywhere. I think we're all just too busy to notice them, or have some of them so deeply ingrained in our personalities, that we don't even realize that we're performing them when we let one slip out our mouths or hands, passed our mental tally machine that tells us whether or not we were "good" today.
That's one of the things I love about people. We have the capacity to do good in so many ways, and for some people, it becomes a part of who they are and they don't even have to think about it in order to be the act of kindness that tips the scales of someone else's day from mediocre to truly blessed.
That said, the blessed only feels good, really truly down to your toes good, the kind of good that permeates your whole self and makes you positively glow inside and out, if it's a shared kind of blessed. So this is where I let you all know that right this moment I feel blessed, and I intend to share it. Yes, thanking the people who make me feel blessed through the little things they do and the big ones too, yes, that's important and of course I'm going to do it, but it's not enough. So I intend to spread the love. Not quite sure just how yet. Maybe I'll get off my bottom and donate my skinny clothes that I certainly won't need for a few years to a shelter. Gods know they're not doing me any good. Maybe I'll finish that quilt I started for an online friend and *actually mail it.* I don't know at this moment, but the blessings, I will be a spreadin'.
Have you spread some blessed today?