On Subsequent Showers

When you see a newborn baby, can you tell, by looking just at the baby, what that baby's birth order was?  No, you really can't.

Not even at 3 months

When I was pregnant with my second child, and excited about my upcoming shower, a usually very nice woman looked at me, aghast, and said "you don't get to have a shower for your second baby.  That's just wrong.  Showers are for first babies."  She proceeded to go on about how second showers are greedy and in poor taste.

If felt like getting slapped, and I have to say, took a lot of enjoyment out of my baby shower, the following weekend.  It upset me so much that I still feel punched in the gut about it and my baby is nearly a year and a half old.  Of course, when I said "my daughter is 10 years old, we have no baby stuff, and I never had a shower when I was pregnant for her, so what, then I just don't get one ever?" she backpedaled, a little.  She did add "well, if you didn't invite anyone who may have sent a gift for her, I guess it's alright."

No. It's not alright.  It's good, and wonderful, and exciting.

Showers are celebrations of the coming life and ways for communities of friends and family to come together to meet the needs of the soon-to-be-born baby and lift the spirits of the tired mother, presumably in her third trimester, or as more and more often done, the exhausted new mother.

Even women whose children are born less than 2 years apart are likely to have given away much of their newborn gear to a friend or relative, if one is inclined to use sposies, they're always in need, as are things like wipes and other non-renewable things.

In about two hours, I'm heading to a baby shower, for a second baby, of a dear friend of mine.  This baby will be some 5 years younger than her brother. I know for a fact that this mother has given away most of her baby gear since the birth of her son, as we rocked her co-sleeper and Boppy, are still rocking her high-chair, and lots and lots of other baby paraphernalia, and we weren't the first fortunate recipients of her son's hand-me-downs.  Yet, when I tweeted that my friend was having a shower the other day, some people started in with the "subsequent showers are greedy" script.

No. They are not greedy.

In this case, the mom didn't run out and register for all the things she wants, and the friend hosting sent out a low key invitation asking for loved but lovable hand-me-downs.  Me? I made a quilt similar to the one I made for her big brother five years ago. I might also be bringing some prefolds, because lets face it, every house needs them, even when you're planning on going sposie.  My mom plans to bring some zinc oxide butt cream and some icky nasty sposies, just like she would for a first baby's shower. Why?  Because the people who say that gifting a subsequent child and preparing for their birth is selfish have missed the point.  It's not about how many times you give to a specific family, whether the second or the fifth child. It's about being there for the mom, supporting and welcoming the kidlets to come.

There is no law saying that because you went in to buy the $300 stroller and carseat combo last time that you have to spend as much for a second child, maybe $15 on a sweater and hat or $5 on a new pack of bibs, a sweet lovey/skullie or maybe even a little baby sized sock monkey. I prefer handmade myself, but this isn't about me.  It's about welcoming and preparing for a new baby.  You can even bring something small for the older sibling. It's all good.  Show up, spread the love. That's the point.

So before you get all irritable the next time you hear someone is having a second, or a third, or a fourth baby shower, remember, there are always things, even small inexpensive things, like infant nail clippers which retail for $1.50, which will make the family more ready for the baby, and give everyone a great opportunity to get together and send a strong message of support to the mother.

Hate the "stuff" part of showers but want to support a mom who really does have everything?  Why not give her a Blessing Way instead of a shower?  None of the naysayers can effectively argue that heaping blessings on a mama is selfish and inappropriate.

Letter to a Child

Dear Little Sister,

There will come a day when all this tense excitement will be forgotten. You are too little to understand right now how eagerly your mommy and daddy are looking forward to meeting you, to holding you in their arms. And although they will tell you how much they hoped and wished and prayed for you, and how they longed to hold you , and rock you to sleep at night, to cuddle you and stare into your beautiful eyes, they can not tell you what only the rest of us know. How their excitement and eagerness was so huge, was so gigantic, was so utterly uncontainable that it spilled across thousands and thousands of miles, not just to Ethiopia, where you were born, but all across the United States, and Canada, and across the whole wide world so that people who could smell the air of all the seas and oceansthat cover this planet, which, in terms of planets, is a moderately sized one. Mind you, in terms of people, it's actually quite large.

You need to know this, because if it comes from them you might be skeptical. You might not believe that women in the strange land of Texas set aside what they were doing to spend time praying for you, and that women in places of no consequence, but so far distant from you and yours that their homes may indeed seem exotic gathered at their computers to celebrate you.

You may wonder, some day, if you were destined to be raised as an upstate kid, why were you born so far away? And I tell you, at this point, I sometimes wonder if it wasn't so you, so little now, had to be born so far from your mommy and daddy so that all of us could be more greatly blessed by the outpouring of love they already feel for you, never having laid so much as a kiss upon your forehead.

You may not agree with me, but I truly believe that every act of kindness and love and giving in this world somehow affects us all for the good. We are each and every one of us more blessed for having witnessed the love your mother feels for you, and for that, I, for one, am grateful.

May you soon be held in your mommy's arms. May you soon be covered in kisses by Big Brother and Big Sister. May you soon be comforted by the sound of daddy's voice. May the love that stretches all around this globe, for you, stay with you all of your days.

Bright blessings on you, Little Sister.

Love,

Slee

It's Raining Babies Upstate! - Baby Sister's Shower

We're throwing a virtual shower for Baby Sister!!!
Here's the plan. Blog about your best baby stories, or reflect on the advise that has proven the most helpful and meaningful for you, especially in dealing with multiple kids, because with three, somebody's gonna be busy! Then links to your posts in the comments and I'll compile them all neatly for our guest of honor!
Don't forget to suggest good books to read to baby, and suggest some fun songs that Baby Sister just has to hear. Better yet, link us to a great YouTube video of you singing or reading for Baby Sister, or your special message for mom. The possibilities are endless.
Want to send a physical gift? Let me know and I'll get you an address to mail it to.
Stay tuned for announcements of the twitter party for @Upstatemomof3 and Baby Sister, because while we can't play the clothespin game, we can swap stories and share the warm fuzzies.

Baby Sister- we celebrate you!