But Not a Real Green Dress, That's Cruel, an eShakti Review

The winter blues had been wearing pretty hard on me this year. The endless gloomy skies and my roses trying to grow against the snow, to their own detriment in January did little to lighten my mood. I've been craving spring like fountain Pepsi over crushed ice. I need the sunlight. I need the green. I need to see things vital and growing again. I need to see rampant healthy life.
I'm a big girl now. I know that the winter only occupies a finite period and that spring will be along before I've even managed to get all of my seedlings pre-sprouted, but I was feeling a little bleak. So, when I was contacted by eShakti about reviewing their new fun Spring fashion line, the clouds broke a little. I got to spend a little while (okay, I admit it, many hours) pouring over the site. I liked the  colors and the wide range of designs, particularly the retro fashions.  I mean, seriously... HELLO, I might need this.

But I told you, I was craving GREEN, right?   Their green, this year, is just too perfect from me. So my criteria was pretty simple, something fabulous and kicky, preferably in green, and that is going to lift my spirits a little bit. I'm not nursing any more, but since I tend to hold on to clothes which I love, I also wanted something that I could nurse in, if I ever have more kids. That's probably not everyone's biggest concern, but I know a lot of you out there are constantly looking for something that makes you feel good to wear in which you can still nurse your youngling. Let's face it, breastfeeding friendly fashion is pretty hard to come by, especially in plus sizes.

So, to review, they sent me this awesome Shawl Collar Poplin Shirt Dress, in GREEN!!!!!!

I had them make the sleeves a touch longer and the skirt lengthened to mid-calf, because I'm tall. Mid-calf length for me ends up being about 3" below the knee, so I can just get by with wearing knee socks with this dress during the colder months.

I enjoy it greatly. The cotton is comfortable, but in the dryness of winter can be a little clingy to icky nylony nastyness. So this isn't a "hose" dress for me. (Clingy cotton? Who knew! But I guess I did know, I just forget and I have a bigger problem with cling because I never use any fabric softeners.) I probably need to just invest in a slip. Right?

I tried it on and my husband was quite impressed. Then I washed it to wear to rehearsal that evening. In terms of fit, I feel like it could have been cut a touch more generously through the chest, but it's comfortable and makes me feel like dancing. At rehearsal I received multiple compliments on the dress, it's color, and how I looked in general, and that made me even happier.

I don't believe in retail therapy as a general rule, but this dress reminded me of how a nice new dress can make one feel better about the whole world, even when Spring hasn't set in again.

So, you want pictures of me in my pretty green dress. I want to comply, alas, my camera and I were having a disagreement recently, so pictures to follow soon, and hopefully pictures on a slightly less snowed in day than today. 

Here's what you really need to know: 

Between now and March 20th, 2013 use code FENTONSLEE for 20% off your order at eShakti.

There was a technical glitch causing a problem with this code at checkout prior to 3-4-2013, but the code monkeys seem to have it sorted out. Go forth and treat yourself to something to put the spring back in your step.

The legal disclaimer: I got to sample a dress from the new Spring line in exchange for an honest review. I did not receive any other payment for this review.

The Choice to Fail.

Sometimes we set goals and fail to reach them, then with defeated yet defiant fists raised heavenward, we curse our obstacles and vow to overcome them in the future.

This is not that time.

This time I have made a choice to fail at a goal I set for myself, because it is the right thing to do. You see, it is November, and I set out to pwn NaNoWriMo like I do every time I set out to start. I have never begun without finishing.

On November 21st, with over 20,000 words written and a good pace established in a story I love, I made the choice to stop.

Right?

I know.

At the same time, I made the commitment to spend the time my son needs me to spend, in order to help him transition from nursing to not nursing at all any more, with him.

It sounds like a small thing. A few extra hugs, a few extra kisses. It shouldn't be a big deal, but it turns out, it is. He wakes in a panic when I shift away from him in bed at night, he can not sleep unless I am beside him. While he grows ever more independent, he also demands more immediacy of my presence when he wants me. He worries that if I am not nursing him any more, that maybe more than just that aspect of our relationship is changing.

Of course, it is, and it scares us both, but I can not press reset and let us all go back to when he was a baby, and even if I could, the past is a lovely place to visit, but we don't really want to live there.

So I will not be reaching 50,000 words. I know, even now with only six days left, I could pull the nearly 30,000 words out of thin air and make this story come together if I really wanted to. If I was willing to prioritize my novel, I have that in me. But I don't want to. I don't want to snuggle up next to my boy and continuously be testing how deeply he is sleeping in the hopes that at any moment I can pull my arm away and go write. I do not want to be counting the seconds until I can sneak off to write. I want to enjoy the cuddles and be present for him. I want to be available when he needs me.

I have chosen to fail this time, and it's okay. Just this once, I will not finish NaNoWriMo. It really is okay, no, it's better than okay, it's good.

A different story.

Once upon a time there was a baby, sometimes he was called Snapdragon. Snapdragon loved to nurse from the minute he was born. He would get so excited about nursing, that he'd snap his mouth closed and make his mommy wince, because he was so eager to nurse. That is why she called him Snapdragon.

Snapdragon quickly learned to nurse without snapping, but he never lost the eagerness. He would nurse in the morning when he woke, and after his diaper was changed. He would nurse before his nap and then halfway through his nap time he would wake for his elevensies nursing. He would nurse as many as ten times a day. He would nurse at bedtime and when he woke in the night, he would nurse again once or twice before morning light. Snapdragon loved to nurse.

When he got older and bigger, he became curious about the food his mommy, daddy, and sister were eating. It looked so yummy, Snapdragon began to think he might like it too, so long as he could still nurse. When he first tasted food, he found that he did, in fact, like it, but only after he had nursed.  He would nurse at home, he would nurse at the park, he would nurse at the library, he would nurse at the store. Everywhere he went, he still wanted to nurse.

As Snapdragon got older, he turned into a Jabber-Walky who would go about his day, toddling around and talking. One of his favorite things to request by name, once his mouth knew how to form the sounds that made the words that gave him the power of request, was boo-boo. Mommy tried to get Jabber-Walky to say nurse instead, and with time, he even learned to say "Mommy, may I please nurse?"

By the time Jabber-Walky learned to speak so well, many days he would want to eat food and drink from a cup before he nursed, but he still wanted to nurse, especially before bed, and when he woke in the night, and before his naps, and on long car trips.

By the time Jabber-Walky was running and jumping and hopping and playing, he mostly nursed at home. Sometimes, if he was away from home for a long time, he would nurse somewhere else, but mostly, he just nursed at home. He would play and sing, build and paint during the day, and then when he was sleepy, he would nurse.  He loved nursing. He loved cuddling with his mommy and the way she would kiss his head and tell him that she loved him. He loved resting his head on her arm and the way her arm was squishy and warm. He loved holding her hand while he nursed too.

His mommy loved their cuddle time too. He loved holding him and smelling his hair and having the special quiet together time when it was just the two of them. Mommy even loved the way Jabber-Walky would stop nursing and say "Is empty. Roll over," and then she would roll him over her tummy to the right side so he could keep nursing, and then he'd say "Now upside down." You see, Jabber-Walky had decided that to switch to the right side was called roll over, and switching to the left was upside down, and he never failed to correct mommy when she confused the two.

Sometimes mommy would say "but we just rolled over because upside down is empty," and Jabber-Walky would say "but now it's filled again," and Jabber-Walky was always right.

But sometime, when Jabber-Walky was nearly three and a half, something changed. Nursing, which had been, ever since he had learned to latch-on more gently, an easy thing for mommy and her boy, nursing became hard for mommy. Suddenly, it started to make mommy wince again when her Jabber-Walky would latch on. Jabber-Walky was worried that he had hurt mommy by biting, which he always tried not to do, but sometimes it happened on accident when he was falling asleep.

Mommy hugged Jabber-Walky and told him that the hurting was not his fault, but that something had changed inside her, with the way her body made his milk. Jabber-Walky did not like talk of changes with milk, but because he didn't want his mommy to hurt, he nursed less and less. He still wanted to nurse at nap time, and he still wanted to nurse at bedtime, and when he woke in the night, but he wouldn't nurse very long. Jabber-Walky would nurse a moment on roll over, then another on upside down.

This arrangement went on fairly happily for quite a while. Jabber-Walky was happy because he still got to nurse and he got to enjoy lots and lots of mommy cuddles. Mommy was happy because she still got to enjoy lots and lots of Jabber-Walky snuggles, but she wasn't happy that it was hurting more and more every time her sweet little boy nursed.

Then one day it had to be the end, because Jabber-Walky didn't want to hurt mommy, and mommy couldn't nurse Jabber-Walky any more. It was very sad for both of them. Jabber-Walky would beg his mommy to nurse him, and he begged to turn into a baby again so he could nurse, and mommy wished she could make things the way they used to be, but even good things, even sweet things, have an ending.

For mommy, nursing Jabber-Walky, that end came when he was three years, six months, and fourteen days old.

Now mommy cuddles Jabber-Walky and tells him stories, like this one, and hugs him tight when it is bedtime. Now Jabber-Walky tells stories to mommy and snuggles up when he's sleepy, and even though he misses nursing sometimes, he knows that his mommy loves him, and that he is going to be okay.

Nursing can not go on forever, mommies aren't built that way- but the lingering warmth the special bond between mommy and nursling.does.



*a huge thanks to Mendylady for inspiring this post by trying to help me through the heart-crushing early days of weaning. We are three nights without nursing now. There have been many tears shed on both parts, but it is time.

Two

Two years ago I woke up early and put on my bright orange paisley sundress and waddled out of the house.  The contractions were about 10 minutes apart, but they'd been between two and fifteen minutes apart for months.  After weeks of bedrest, the fact was, this kid probably wasn't coming on a convenient schedule for my OB, and she played the "your last baby was very large, and I'm afraid he seems to be bigger," card, and I was looking for an end to the pelvic pain, and agreed that Cinco de Mayo would be a grand birthday for a boy, and so it was that morning I went in to have my labor started for me.

I was in a wretched mood, griping at spouse because we got there two minutes after we were supposed to already be checking in, and I was terrified that after all the preparations I'd put into being psychologically ready to have this baby, and into making sure my parents could take off work to pick my older child up from school, that I'd be sent home because they were too busy for me.  

This wasn't an unfounded fear, as when my daughter was born I had gone in more than once to be induced and been sent home because there were too many other people having children that day, and in her case, the pre-eclampsia was killing her placenta, and she really did need to come out.

I was also terrified because my daughter had been a pitocin induction, and pitocin induced contractions hurt, a lot. 

I was also afraid because parts of my right leg never felt quite right following the epidural.  (Hm, pitocin leading to an epidural, who'd have guessed?)

So it was with trepidation, fear, and irritation that I checked in on the verge of tears.

Upstairs they hooked me up to this machine and that one, asked a plethora of questions, ran an IV of precautionary antibiotics, checked under the hood, and brought out the prostinaglandin of choice along with a breakfast menu.  

I ordered a cheddar cheese omelet with hashbrowns and cranberry juice.  There may have been toast.

Within minutes of the little pill being placed at my cervix, the contractions seemed to get stronger and more regular.  I ate breakfast and live tweeted how I felt about the whole experience.  I was touched by the outpouring of attention, even though the hashtag #twitterbirth hadn't yet been stumbled upon.  

Spouse plugged in his laptop and continued to do work and take business calls as the contractions built.  

As the contractions got harder I did a lot of walking, up and down the hall, turn around and back again.  It occurred to me that they would do well to have a round walking track with interesting things to look at for laboring mothers.  I was told that the lobby preferred if we didn't go downstairs, but I didn't ask if I could go out on the terrace. In retrospect I should have, it would have made walking a lot more interesting.

Around three or so, my OB breezed in to break my water since I wasn't dialating as quickly as she had hoped.  After the first gush it was perhaps five minutes before the intensity of contractions started to grow exponentially and it must have shown in my face, since the nurse started insisting that I wanted an epidural, or would want one.  Spouse was in her court, because it seemed the thing to do.  I figured that if they were going to hurt like last time, I'd be begging for one eventually and I might as well get it sooner than later.  What sense is there in suffering longer than you have to if you're going to make that choice anyway?  Right?

Well, of course, fate had a lesson to teach me.  It was that I need to just give up on the silly notion of epidurals.

The anesthesiologist, Mo, came up and got to work at about four, and it felt very different than the last time. There were tendons I remember feeling pop last time, but I thought, "since last time was problematic, perhaps this is right." That said, the needle going in hurt many times worse than the last time and was ultimately worse than any of the contractions going on at the time.

The doctor told me I'd need to lay on my back for an hour while the meds got to work.  You know, because that's a great laboring position.

Yeah. Great.

Well, the contractions still hurt, and the nurse checked back every so often with an ice pack to see when the numbness had set in.  Ultimately, on my right thigh, where I already had some longterm numbness, the icepack felt only a little cool.  Everwhere else it was still nice and icy, and the contractions felt just like the always did.

At about four thirty, in all of this, Spouse decided he was very hungry and went to grab a burger.  He came back and asked me if I'd like some, and I decided that since my OB had said I could eat, maybe half a cheeseburger was a great idea, despite the pain.  I figured, all this work is making me hungry, and dang it, I'm going to eat.  So at about four forty-five, I ate half a cheeseburger shortly after an internal check and frown that made it look like perhaps I wasn't progressing well.  

Interestingly, the eating of the cheeseburger made the contractions hurt worse, a lot worse, and so the nurse went off to call Mo back to see if a different placement would work.  When the nurse came back in she helped me roll onto my side as the contractions were coming very close together and I was in a lot of pain.

At this point, in my head, I was a fox.  I'd given up on being me and decided that this must be what a fox felt like when it was giving birth, and I embraced that, clutching the side of the bed and choking back the yelps and screams I didn't have any desire to make. 

The nurse came back in and glanced at me, cancelled the call to Mo and called my OB back in, sounding panicked, then she said, "try not to push. I mean, if you have to push, push, but try not to push."

The OB was only two or three contractions away, and she arrived just in time for my three push boy to come, screaming and crying while half out, into the world.

They handed him directly to me so I could introduce him to the breast and get to know him before daddy cut the cord.

Soon they'd be gently washing him while the doctor yelled for a shot of pitocin because I was bleeding too much while a nurse massaged my belly. 

The nurses giggled that he was definitely a boy since he had some pretty severe hydrocele.  In retrospect, it was fairly comedic.

Then he was swaddled and brought back to me where he nursed and blinked at me, and I was completely in love with this little nameless boy covered in soft fur, white pimply dots, and some notable stork bite.  

It wasn't until the next morning that we named him, until then he was my surprisingly red haired little 

sweeting.

I can hardly believe how much he's grown.

He's been nursing for a full two years now.  Hard to believe, two great big years. 

Sippy Sip

If you are a parent, you know how hard it can be to placate a toddler. If you're a nursing mom, you may have experienced how hard it is to convince a toddler that sometimes, when he thinks he wants nursing, what he really wants is a cup of something else.  Something that doesn't involve mommy's chest.
Let's face it, sometimes there is something trying in being the solitary provider for all comfort, as well as the preferred provider of warm liquid nourishment.
As the JabberWalky approaches two, more and more often I find myself asking him if he wants a Sippy when he says he wants "boo boo boo BEE."
Sadly, more often than not, unless I'm seducing him with juice, he will just crinkle his nose and demand "BOOBEE!" even more loudly.
Perhaps it is my own fault in that his cup usually only has boring water in it.
We haven't started doing milk in a cup yet, mostly because I'm paranoid that the cup will roll under the chair and be disgusting when I finally find it to wash it.  As a result, it's water or juice, and watered down juice at that.
It's not a perfect plan, but I've decided I'm going to offer him a cup with all his meals so that he gets used to drinking like a big boy at the table, instead of demanding nursing while I'm trying to eat.
I'm not sure if this is in line with baby led weaning, because I'm offering with the hopes of finishing a meal with both breasts safely in my shirt, but I am sure that it's an important step in eating in a calm manner.
That said, I'm not handing him a sippy at bed or naptime, those are still stricktly mommy cuddles times. Besides, it's way easier to appease a tired toddler with exactly what has always done the trick.

Any advice for convincing a toddler that drinking from a cup at mealtime is a great idea?

What I told a friend

A friend wrote me, excited about the prospect of trying to concieve, and doubly excited about milk sharing programs since so many of her family members had struggled with supply.  After I responded, I thought, you know, maybe there are some other women out there who could benefit from my opinion on the subject, so here ya go.

Now here is what you need to know about underproduction.
1. Just because people to whom you are related have had this problem, there is no surety that you will also.
2. It can take time to get your supply to come in and tough it feels like baby isn't getting anything in the beginning, their stomachs are so tiny, they are likely getting enough.
3. Most women have wretched advice coming from people who aren't IBCLCs or who don't have much experience with breastfeeding outside their own personal breastfeeding history.
4. There are certain foods, and if necessary,certain prescriptions which can help wit low supply.
5. Any amount of breastfeeding, even with formula supplementation, is better for baby than none, so even with under-supply, give oneself a hand.
6. Before the baby is born(once you're pregtastic) find your local LLL group and start to make connections so that if/when you need support, it's there.
7. Breastsize has nothing to do with mammary capacity and output,as chics with huge tatas generally have a lot of adipose tissue in their breasts, not extra milk-making tissue.
8. This point intentionally left blank.
9. There are nursing techniques which help build a better supply.
10. If you go the hospital birth route, and you select a "baby friendly" institution, they will have an IBCLC with whom you can meet even before the baby is born so you can discuss concerns and strategies. If you go the midwife route, they can refer you to an IBCLC, as can your local LLL leadership.

*hugs*

Formula supplementation isn't failure, it is sometimes necessary, and we are trained to expect to do it, but with support, work (because don't let anyone tell you it isn't work, it's work) and a little biological agreement, you can likely breastfeed your offspring.

The Argument for Introducing Solids Before Six Months

The argument for introducing solids before six months, is as follows.
Bunk.

UNICEF's response to recent media coverage suggesting otherwise than the WHO recommendation can be found here.  Note the second paragraph says exactly what the problem with this old information is.
 "When considering this analysis it should be noted that three of the four authors have
declared an association with the baby feeding industry. Less breastfeeding and
earlier introduction of solid food will lead to greater profit for this industry."

What's that? Let me highlight for you.
"When considering this analysis it should be noted that three of the four authors have
declared an association with the baby feeding industry. Less breastfeeding and
earlier introduction of solid food will lead to greater profit for this industry."

That's right, all this information which my spouse, my friend's spouse and maybe someone you know is going on about, having seen it on the news on Saturday, is propaganda put forth by a group of individuals with a vested financial interest in convincing mothers to wean to solids earlier.  That doesn't sound like the group one should be taking their advice from, in my opinion.

For the average healthy mother, feeding her average baby is a pretty simple task, as  @KimLiving  of In desperate need of entertainment, said on twitter the other day

So please, don't stress that you need to wean your baby to solids.  Baby will tell you when she or he is ready for solids.  Don't let someone trying to sell you something tell you what your schedule needs to be.  Your baby knows much better than they do when the notion of something other than breast milk should be on the menu.  

Come on, you don't take advice on how often to drink pop from big-soda, do you?  Well, if you're going to take advice from anyone, take it from big-boob, and not big-phrama or big-babyfood, because big-boob isn't trying to worm it's way into your pocket. (If it is, well, I'm sure you could sell those pictures somewhere.)

On Friends and Shopping

Someone said to me recently that they think it's a little weird that almost everything my son has or that I use these days has a story attached to it starting with "my friend."
Sometimes it's "my friend passed this on to him from her kid," and sometimes it's "my friend recommended it, and she was so right," and even more often, it's "my friend made this, she has a rad {Etsy or Artfire} shop, do you want the URL?"

For instance, JabberWalky's Magic Blankie by my friend Amber.

His new Friend Rory, who came recommended by Amber. (Apparently that's his favorite sleeping position)

My diaperbag of raditude by my friend Brooke.

His radtastic diapers by my friend Laura and his Monster block of doom by my friend Ailie.

His super rad dipes by my friend Vilate

and then diapers my friend Christine made.

Ooh, and the ones my friend Ilana's company makes.

And the nursing pads my friend Candace made.

And many many others.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized, I prefer supporting friends when I have money to spend, rather than supporting mega-corps. I'll buy from a friend before buying local, unless local is a friend.
It might not be the best of economics in the world, but I feel better about the products when I have a personal connection with the person who made them.

I think of it as putting some humanity into impersonal business transactions, and so far, I've always been happy with these transactions, because lets face it, if they're your friend, they're probably not going to sell their friend something they know isn't good or safe.

Best of Friends

My son decided to play a trick on me the other day.
While nursing for nap time, I noticed something felt a little off, and then I heard him giggle, so I glanced down. Low and behold, his new best friend Rory (because he RAWRs) was nursing, and JabberWalky was very pleased with himself at his joke.

Rory, the first toy I've ever nursed.

Naptime with Rory

After a year and a half of not having any one toy that was any more important to him than any other, he's found a best friend.  Of course, who wouldn't love a dinosaur from SPACE?! Not just a dinosaur from space, a super cute and cuddly dinosaur from space!

I bought him from Stella Grace Boutique on Etsy. She does brilliant custom work. You can also check Stella Grace Boutique out on Facebook.

Of course, this means I have a few choices. I can order another just like it, you know, for when Rory wanders off or is irreparably damaged, I can order more of the fabric he's made from for future patches, I can accept the inevitable and mentally prepare to just someday have a surgered and interestingly patched dinosaur, or I can accept the more long term inevitable and know that someday when he ruins it or loses it there will simply be a lot of tears.

With Mongoosine her best friend was a DW doll, and DW has had a few surgeries, as has her nighttime cuddly Lamby plush.

How do you handle best friends? Stash a duplicate or hope for the best?

Belated Ribbon of Achievement

I don't know how I forgot to post this at the appropriate milestone, but nonetheless, we've been a happily functioning nursing dyad for a full 18 months and then some!

It occurred to me this morning, as I was nursing a grumpy bumped his head boy, that of all the things he's been doing in life, he's been doing this nearly the longest.

When he was born, first he learned to breathe. Babies already cry in the womb, and open and close their eyes. They hear, they taste, they move, they feel. So first, he learned to breathe. Then he learned to nurse. 

Nursing has been with him since minutes after birth, it calms him more swiftly than anything else, and I know that every day, unless he's sick, he nurses less and less, and soon it will taper off more, until one day it stops, but right now, I am fortunate to be able to spend milky snuggle time with my sweet little boy, who every day is more and more a little boy and less a baby. I am blessed to have him wake up four times in the night for a short nursing. I am blessed to be able to hold him, wear him, nurse him, snuggle him.  Some day, I'll be glad to get my body back, but I'll miss this.  I'll miss being able to help comfort and feed him in the way he's been doing since he was born.

Wordless Wednesday: Nursing my Nursling

Wordless Wednesday

Doctor's Visit: Follow-Up

Remember Mr. Didn't Want To Go To The Doctor Pants?

The fussy whiny one?
The almost 30 word speaking, even though they only cared if he had 5 words one?
Mr. walks forwards and backwards, goes up and down stairs, runs, climbs, recognizes pictures of things like balls, tries to help mommy pants, otherwise known as Mr. Developmentally Spot On Pants?
Yeah, well, he went to the doctor and started screaming the moment I started undressing him.
He didn't stop except for when I was nursing him.
He tried four times to climb off the scale and the nurse just wrote down what it looked like.
The problem with that was, it was grossly inaccurate, such that the doctor came in all panicked that my 18 month old light weight had allegedly lost four pounds.  You know, when they're supposed to be gaining?
So after a much screaming, crying, trying to get away filled nightmare of a time, we determined that mommy could get weighed, then pick up the boy boy, so we could do some math and derive his weight.
Yes, he's on track, but he was not a happy camper.
At all.
At all, at all.
He was so upset that the doctor was surprised and said that if he wasn't feeling his regular happy self in two or three days, to bring him back.
Well, since then he's had a little diarrhea and has barely eaten. All he wants to do is nurse, and I'm okay with that, other than his new penchant for giving me a TSA pat down while he's nursing. That has made me say that I'm very glad that we didn't wean him early like so many people have pressured us to do.  I don't know what we'd do if he was feeling sickly and didn't have his favorite means of nourishing and comforting.
In any case, he slept most of yesterday and today seems to be just chipper. He has a bit of a runny nose, but when do teething toddler babies not have runny noses?  So I'm not too worried about that.
My biggest concern is how much he hates going to the doctor.  A friend recommended that I procure a toy doctor's kit so he can get used to the idea of the various equipment, like stethoscopes and the ear scopes.
Any other advice on making the trip to the doctor's office less traumatic?
Or, do you have a doctor's kit you love and want me to know about before I start seriously looking for one?

Poetry

Last night was Mongoosine's school poetry slam.
It was held in the school library.  The kids and the teachers dressed like Beatniks. We snapped rather than clapped and I felt moved to use words like "deep." Had they bothered to include the time on the invitation, there probably would have been more in attendance, but as it was, it was fine with me. We had to balance slam with choir anyway.  So, in honor of the slam, I will leave you with some poetry to ponder, if you can dig it.

Mama Dada

mama clock I when sun bright
hold early window blankie change
table shirt coffee skirt glasses fluffy on
and nurse we she when tug smile eye
curl laugh pillow kiss chirp sky

Surviving the ER with a Baby

Let me begin by saying, you don't want to be in the ER with a baby. Not for the baby, not for you, not for your other kids, not for your spouse.
Generally speaking, you don't want to be in the ER, and you certainly don't want to take anyone extra with you if you can avoid it.
So first, I suggest keeping the number of someone who can watch your offspring, in case of emergency, handy.
Next, you're going to need to remember that even though the beds get clean sheets and pillow cases, the visitor chairs and floors do not get cleaned between patients and have all the germs of all the people who have used them. The nurses can't wash the soles of their shoes between patients, so the germs from the floor of the room with the coughing up blood patient get tracked onto the floor of the patient with the broken wrist. Therefore- KEEP BABY OFF THE FLOOR.
Does your kidlet like a stroller? Bring the stroller.  But also bring your most comfortable sling.  If you don't have time to grab it, call someone to have them bring it to you.  You're going to be tired as is, you certainly don't need to wear your arms out when babywearing is so much easier.

Don't put off nursing the baby because you're in a strange place.  If your wee one is nursing, take advantage of the fact that you can help calm and soothe your baby, and boost his/her immune system by nursing him.  The nurses and doctors aren't going to forget how to do their job if you're nursing, but if your wee one is hungry and screaming, they might just get distracted.
Toys.  If at all possible, only hand baby toys which can be sterilized before you leave, and if a toy hits the floor, it needs to go in a plastic bag and not be handed back to baby. Remember that bit about the floor? Nothing that touches the floor gets handed to baby. Ever.
Sippy cup hits the floor?  Bag it. Pacifier? Bag it.
Now here's where you get a break.  Most hospitals no longer have rules against cell phones in the ER.  If you've got a smart phone and an unlimited data plan, you can go to youtube.com and find great content like Celebrity Lullabies with Ricky Gervais

Don't have a smart phone with a data plan?  Do you have a MP3 player?  Baby just might be okay with listening to one of your earbuds, just remember to keep the volume down.

You can survive the ER with a baby in tow, just remember to keep baby off the floor and be prepared to be there for quite a while.
Goodluck, and may you never need this advice.

Baby enjoying the same rules applying to inpatient care rooms.

Do you have any tips on surviving the ER with a youngling?

Wordless Wednesday: World Breastfeeding Week

Wordless Wednesday

World Breastfeeding Week: Baby Steps

Between my two kidlets, I had very different birth experiences, and extremely different breastfeeding outcomes.  With Mongoosine, we had total failure in less than two weeks, and with Snapdragon, we're still nursing, going on 15 months. So this made me wonder, what are they doing right, and what are they doing wrong?

1. Have a written breastfeeding policy that is routinely communicated to all health care staff.

Mongoosine: I never saw or heard of it, but as I'm not staff, I can't say.

Snapdragon: Again, I never heard a specific policy, but am not part of the health care staff.

2. Train all health care staff in skills necessary to implement this policy.

Mongoosine: I don't know but have my suspicions about training and skills...

Snapdragon: I DO know that the general hospital staff was not trained in a manner which encouraged breastfeeding, much to the chagrin of the LC.

3. Inform all pregnant women about the benefits and management of breastfeeding.

Mongoosine: When I was pregnant, they asked me if I was intending to breastfeed, and I said yes. They asked me why and in my head I was thinking "because it's the right answer, and it's free," but my mouth said "because it's best for the baby."  They left it at that and the conversation rolled on to other things.

Snapdragon: They asked me if I was planning to breastfeed and I said I was planning to try but that I wasn't married to the concept.  That I believed firmly in the benefits of colostrum for aiding the development of the newborn's immune system, but that I wasn't going to kill myself trying.  The Nurse Practitioner with whom I was having this informational meeting smiled, said it was good I planned to try, and the conversation rolled on to whether or not I'd want to have baby's bits snipped if baby was a boy.  (He was, and I didn't.)

4. Help mothers initiate breastfeeding within half an hour of birth.

Mongoosine: Yes.  They did this.  A nurse handed baby to me and asked me if I wanted to nurse her. I said I didn't really understand how, and a nurse helped me take down the top of my hospital gown and said that you just get them to open up and put them on.  

Snapdragon: Yes.  Still all vernixy and gooey, but wrapped in a blanket, a nurse handed him back to me to try to latch on.  I had his head in a ridiculous position and she helped me position him better within five minutes of birth, though we had some immediate skin to skin contact even before his cord was cut. In retrospect I wish I'd asked to nurse him immediately.

5. Show mothers how to breastfeed, and how to maintain lactation even if they should be separated from their infants.

Mongoosine: No, no, no, no, no, no, no. 

Snapdragon: I had a WONDERFUL Lactation Consultant. She was an RN who was a passionate breastfeeding advocate with answers to questions I never even dreamed I needed to know the answers to until I did.  I really feel SHE made all the difference.

6. Give newborn infants no food or drink other than breast milk, unless medically indicated.

Mongoosine: I don't *think* they did, but i I don't know, because...

Snapdragon: I want to believe that they didn't, but I don't know for a fact because...

7. Practise rooming-in – that is, allow mothers and infants to remain together – 24 hours a day.

Mongoosine: No.  Mongoosine spent a goodly amount of time in a nursery I never saw, because I couldn't walk until they discharged me.  It took me about 18 hours to get most of the sensation back in my left leg following my lovely epidural, (11 years later and I still haven't gotten it ALL back) and so I never managed to see just where they were keeping her, but rooming in was never offered as an option.

Snapdragon: I wanted Snapdragon to room in with me, and it was an option available at the hospital he was born in, so this was not their fail.  Spouse insisted that he be taken out for a few hours in the night because he was convinced I was going to fall asleep holding him and *gasp* accidentally co-sleep with him.  You know, accidentally co-sleep with the kid who has spent the last nearly 15 months co-sleeping.  Yeah. That said, other than those few hours at night or during an examination, Snapdragon stayed in my room, so we were together about 19 hours a day for the two days we spent in the hospital following his birth.  

8. Encourage breastfeeding on demand.

Mongoosine: I am going to say no on this one. They brought her to me every few hours to nurse and diaper, but words like "on demand" were completely new to me still 10 years later when Snapdragon was born.

Snapdragon: Yes. The Lactation Consultant was all about nursing on demand and reminded me time and again that it was important to establishing a good and regulated milk supply.

9. Give no artificial teats or pacifiers (also called dummies or soothers) to breastfeeding infants.

Mongoosine: Total fail on this one. It was a soft green pacifier, I remember it well. I know they gave it to her and I know she used it, but she never got all that attached to a pacifier, thank goodness.

Snapdragon: There were those hours while I was unconscious, and I know there was a pacifier in his crib, but he didn't seem to care much about it and I suspect that it wasn't used, or was only unsuccessfully offered.

10. Foster the establishment of breastfeeding support groups and refer mothers to them on discharge from the hospital or clinic.

Mongoosine: No.  There was absolutely no referral to a support group, no mention of the LaLeche League, nothing.  I only heard of the LaLeche League weeks later as a "why didn't you contact" sort of Monday morning quarterbacking after she had already transitioned to formula and my supply was well and dried up.

Snapdragon:  Kind of.  In his case the Lactation Consultant suggested contacting my nearest LaLeche League group for ongoing support, and when he was three months old, I finally did, and it was a very good choice.  

So what do I take away from this? Snapdragon's hospital of birth was a lot more baby friendly, and the LC with whom I met there gave me good advice which genuinely helped me develop and maintain a healthy nursing relationship with my son, whereas the lack of support and information with Mongoosine likely contributed to the failure there.  

Verdict: The Ten Steps are important.  I would definitely call and ask questions about a hospitals breastfeeding support policies before choosing where to birth in the future.  It does matter.

So, how did they stack up where you birthed?

World Breastfeeding Week: Ten Steps

Welcome to World Breastfeeding Week!

As my dedicated readers know by now, breastfeeding means a lot to me.  I believe in the emotional benefits of how it helps nurture an attached relationship, and I strongly believe in it's physical benefits.  For those of you who need reminding, here's a quick overview of some of the benefits.

The Health Benefits of Breastfeeding

That is just a conservative list, but it clearly shows that breastfeeding is a vital part of healthy growth and development.  As such, breastfeeding needs to be supported, encouraged, promoted, and celebrated, which is the goal of World Brestfeeding Week.

This year, the theme of World Breastfeeding Week is the Ten Steps to Successful Breastfeeding.

So without further ado...

Ten Steps to successful Breastfeeding

1. Have a written breastfeeding policy that is routinely communicated to all health care staff.

2. Train all health care staff in skills necessary to implement this policy.

3. Inform all pregnant women about the benefits and management of breastfeeding.

4. Help mothers initiate breastfeeding within half an hour of birth.

5. Show mothers how to breastfeed, and how to maintain lactation even if they should be separated from their infants.

6. Give newborn infants no food or drink other than breast milk, unless medically indicated.

7. Practise rooming-in – that is, allow mothers and infants to remain together – 24 hours a day.

8. Encourage breastfeeding on demand.

9. Give no artificial teats or pacifiers (also called dummies or soothers) to breastfeeding infants.

10. Foster the establishment of breastfeeding support groups and refer mothers to them on discharge from the hospital or clinic.

So pop back in and join me the rest of this week for discussion on the Ten Steps, how we've seen it implemented (or not), and a celebration of breast feeding.

Note- Blogger refuses to let me use "normal font" and is only allowing Small/est or Large/st, I hope I get this sorted out soon.

A Less Civil Response.

July 9, 2010
Bob McLain
Program Director, 106.3 FM
bmclain@entercom.com

Dear Director McLain,

Recently, my attention was drawn to  a segment that aired on the Russ & Lisa show on Tuesday, July 6, 2010. in which Lisa Rollins, whom you employ as a news anchor and a talk host thought it was an apt idea to question the rights of infants to eat in restaurants and for their mothers to feed them in a safe environment.  I've read some of the other responses you've gotten, ones like the one Dionna Ford wrote, responses which are calm, non-argumentative, and reasonable.  This isn't that response.  I'm too livid.


Can I first state the ridiculousity of saying breastfeeding in a restaurant is disgusting when one is in said restaurant, a Chic Fil-A, most likely eating the breast of another animal, to be offended that woman might be using hers to feed her baby?  Because it is ridiculous. 


Also, I noted from what Ms. Rollins had to say that she was in the Chic Fil-A, not eating in her car.  I presume that since she said it was "100 dadgum degrees," that she would have found it uncomfortable to eat her meal in the car.  Similarly, I would imagine that a baby and mother would rather not be sitting in said uncomfortable environment.  However, maybe I'm wrong. Perhaps Ms. Rollins would like to take all of her meal breaks in her car for a while so she can tell me how delightful, uncramped, and cool it is.  That sounds fair.


If in your judgement it is too hot for Ms. Rollins to be expected to eat in her car, preferably with the air off, there is an oil crisis going on right now, as a news anchor could probably tell you, maybe she'd like to eat in the bathroom.  Other than the part where bathrooms are areas set aside for dealing with human waste, I can't imagine she'd have a problem with it, considering that she thinks it's a good place for someone with a still developing immune system to eat.  She also doesn't seem to think that a nursing mom would mind spending her time out of the house in the restroom, so I can't imagine why she would mind spending her off-the-air time in the restroom.


That brings me to my next point. Off the air time.  Maybe she needs some.  She thinks that moms just staying home instead is a reasonable option, so I invite her to do it. As her employer, you could help make that a reality.  The way I look at it, the World Health Organization recommends breastfeeding up to at least two years of age and as long thereafter as it is mutually beneficial to both members of the nursing dyad, so that sounds like a good period of time that she should just stay home. Two years.   You know, stay home, discreetly.


She also implied that perhaps the mother of the nursing infant could have nursed in the car on the way there.  Other than the part where it's illegal to travel in a moving vehicle with an infant who is not properly restrained in their car seat, that's a brilliant idea.  Oh wait, it's a horrible idea because it is a suffocation risk to lean over the carseat to nurse an infant and it's dangerous and illegal to remove said child from said carseat while it is in motion. Further, if the mother was driving, it's a whole new level of irresponsibility, illegality, and danger.   I admit it, I'm disturbed that you have a news anchor and talk show host in your employ who recommends, even jokingly, illegal practices which endanger children.


As per Ms. Rollins suggesting that nursing in public, which, by the way, is a specifically protected right in the state of South Carolina, as well as in the vast majority of the United States, and is supported in most of the rest of the world, should have legislation enacted to criminalize it just grieves me deeply.  I can't imagine that the majority of your listeners are so against infants being nourished in the most healthy way possible, but I would postulate that if she were saying that drinking beer in public, which, unlike breastfeeding which encourages healthy development, kills brain cells, damages livers, increases the incidence of people making ignorant comments, and leads to deaths, injuries, and property damage via inebriated drivers and needless altercations, should be made illegal, there'd be a bigger uproar.


So if I was being nice, and tactful, and unaggressive, I'd ask that she not only recant but take a class on Women's issues and another on breastfeeding, but I'm not being nice.  I'm being bombastic and disgusted and suggesting that she eat in the car, and in the bathroom, and stay home for the next two years.   And then and only then will I give her or your station any credibility.


I'm usually nicer than this, but this sort of anti-baby, anti-family, anti-woman, anti-health attitude has got to stop.


Have a nice weekend,
Slee

I've Nursed In Public...

Welcome to the July 2010 Carnival of Nursing in Public

This post was written for inclusion in the http://www.nursingfreedom.org/p/carnival-of-nursing-in-public.html">Carnival of Nursing in Public hosted by Dionna and Paige at http://nursingfreedom.org">NursingFreedom.org. All week, July 5-9, we will be featuring articles and posts about nursing in public ("NIP"). See the bottom of this post for more information.

I've nursed in public in a lot of places.

At a wedding, at a funeral.

A party or ten, the coffee house.

Restaurants, airports, movie theaters.

Libraries, doctors' offices.

Grocery stores, clothing stores, in the middle of the mall.

The post office, the beauty salon.

Forest preserves, neighborhood parks.

In churches, at museums, in the graveyard, in the pool.

At the DMV, in line at the voting booth.

City Halls, Town Halls, Villiage Halls, Municipal Centers.

At my daughter's elementary school, at the middle school and high school.

At award ceremonies and concerts.

Arcades and mini-putt courses.

At art fairs, at craft fairs, in fair weather and cloudy.

Circuses and indoor golf ranges.

Carnivals, festivals, and farmers markets.

Fabric stores.

Elevators.

Lobbies galore and at the Gym.

At parades and while parading down the sidewalk between shops.

At the planetarium and at the beach.

In my insurance agent's office, at my husband's work.

La Leche League Meetings, Cemetery Association meetings, and Girl Scout meetings.

At the fireworks, at cookouts.

At prudish Christmas parties.

Gas stations and truck stops.

I've nursed a lot of places.

What has always struck me as odd is that the majority of the reaction I have seen while nursing in public has been averted gaze or a smile from a mother who is nursing her baby, or has nursed in the past.  At the planetarium a woman even came up to me and said she was really proud of me for nursing in public and to keep up the good job, reassuring me that I was giving my baby the best nutrition I could.  That felt a little silly to me because I'm the one who usually tries to encourage others, but still, made me feel hopeful for other nursing moms.

Yet.  Isn't there always a yet?

I have received incredulous looks from one person, as if to say "do you have to do that *here*" or "can't you cover that up?"  One person has asked if I was going to stop nursing inpublic soon as my baby was, at the time, a whole great big 10 months old, and another, when he was very small, looked at me with astonishment while I nursed my wee one in a side room at the library, gasped, and asked "you're doing THAT, HERE?"

Yes, dear SPOUSE, I do have to do this here, and without a cover.

No, dear MOTHER, I am not planning on ceasing and desisting all nursing in public just because my baby is bigger than a loaf of bread.

Yes, dear DAUGHTER, I am going to do this, and I am going to do it here.

That's right. All of the pointed negative looks, questions, and comments I've received while nursing in public have come from those closest to me.

I think it's sad when I hear similar stories from friends, that the people who raise the greatest barriers and work as the greatest obstacles to their breastfeeding in public are the people who should be the most supportive.  

Therefore, dear reader, I'd like to tell you how I've responded.

I've looked them in the eye, told them that where we live a mother has the legally protected right to nurse her baby anywhere she otherwise has a right to be, and can do so without the aid of a cover, regardless of exposure incidental to nursing.  I have then pointed out that the World Health Organisation recommends breastfeeding to at least the age of 2, and beyond as long as it is mutually agreeable to both members of the nursing dyad.  Then I had to explain "dyad."  But I don't stop there.

I also explain that the United States has a very low breastfeeding rate, partially because of comments, questions, and looks like the ones they're giving, and that it has a real cost inthe health of the mothers and babies who don't nurse, and an economic cost in terms of dollars spent on healthcare which likely would not have been necessary had immune systems and gastric/intestinal development been fully supported.  I explain that we would be living in a healthier nation and that the money spent on formula would be better spent elsewhere for the betterment of the child and their family, rather than on a chemical brew which only poorly mimics the nutrition a baby gets from his mother's milk.

By this point they're sighing and rolling their eyes, squirming in their chair and wishing I'd just go back to nursing and stop lecturing them.

But you know what?  It worked with two out of three people.  The hold out? My husband. He's still terrified someone's going to see a little too much of what he thinks is his territory and get the wrong idea.   But having overheard my mom and daughter explaining this to others, later, I think that perhaps education is the best way to build acceptance of nursing inpublic. Exposure and education.  

I've said it before and I'll say it again.  The more nursing moms get out and nurse in public, the more they explain why it's important for a baby to be fed when and where that baby is hungry, the more they educate others as to their rights and as to "expert" recommendations (people like expert recommendations, personally, I'm more a fan of happy babies) the sooner we will see the re-normalization of breastfeeding, even in public.

Where will you be nursing today?

Welcome to the Carnival of Nursing in Public

Please join us all week, July 5-9, as we celebrate and support breastfeeding mothers. And visit NursingFreedom.org any time to connect with other breastfeeding supporters, learn more about your legal right to nurse in public, and read (and contribute!) articles about breastfeeding and N.I.P.

Do you support breastfeeding in public? Grab this badge for your blog or website to show your support and encourage others to educate themselves about the benefits of breastfeeding and the rights of breastfeeding mothers and children.

<center><a href="http://www.nursingfreedom.org/p/carnival-of-nursing-in-public.html" title="Carnival of Nursing in Public"><img src="http://www.babydustdiaries.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/inip1.png"  alt="Art by Erika Hastings at http://mudspice.wordpress.com/" border="0"></a></center>

This post is just one of many being featured as part of the Carnival of Nursing in Public. Please visit our other writers each day of the Carnival. Click on the links below to see each day’s posts - new articles will be posted on the following days:
July 5 - Making Breastfeeding the Norm: Creating a Culture of Breastfeeding in a Hyper-Sexualized World
July 6 – Supporting Breastfeeding Mothers: the New, the Experienced, and the Mothers of More Than One Nursing Child
July 7 – Creating a Supportive Network: Your Stories and Celebrations of N.I.P.
July 8 – Breastfeeding: International and Religious Perspectives
July 9 – Your Legal Right to Nurse in Public, and How to Respond to Anyone Who Questions It