8 years

Eight years ago, this foolish couple embarked on that adventure called marriage.
Who would have thought it would have lasted this long?

Plans Cancelled.

I was planning on going to the fireworks at Rhythm & Booms.
It's awesome.
You should go.
It's the second largest display of fireworks in the country, second only to NYC, and it's friendly, easy to get in and out of, and overall, a great experience.
We were going.
Then my husband up and said "what are you going to bring for a nursing blanket?"
A what?
"Whatever it is you use when you're in close proximity to thousands of people."

I have no words for this, other than I'm not going. Not because I'm uncomfortable nursing in public, I'm uncomfortable being in public with people I don't like.


EDITED TO ADD-
After a long conversation about what he "meant" and how it made me "feel," we are most likely still going, and he'll keep his nose out of my nursing.  Sometimes a good long honest and raw conversation can make a huge difference, even if they feel a little scary.

"That Interval Every Woman Loves"

While working on Beethoven's Ninth at rehearsal last night, the Alto section was having a tiny bit of trouble with a spot in the double fugue. Don't worry, you don't have to be a music nerd to read this.
They were having difficulty getting the right note, so the conductor stops us and they go over the section a few times, then she says, "it's not that hard, it's the interval every woman loves."  A major fourth.  For the non music theory nerds out there, a major fourth is the same interval you're accustomed to hearing at a wedding at the "Here Comes the Bride" moment.  That's a major fourth.

I kind of wanted to laugh because I've never been a fan of the traditional Wedding March, and a lot of people I know have walked down the aisle to something else.  Last May, my best friend walked down the aisle to the final movement from Beethoven's Ninth, ironically.  That's "Ode to Joy," for the non-nerds. Another good friend entered to the ever popular Canon in D. I walked down the aisle to a remix of Sarah Brightman's cover of A Whiter Shade Of Pale.

Seriously.  It's awesome. Not quite the Smashing Pumpkins introit I wanted, but good enough for a wedding without live music. I *did* play some Smashing Pumpkins during the reception line though.  I figured, if I had to stand there that long meeting spouse's extended family and friends, I'd "Stand Inside Your Love."  But I wanted something with a little bit of a symphonic edge without going overblown classical.  One of these days I'll sit down with the entire play list from my wedding and give you guys a good laugh.

Did you walk down the aisle to something fantastic or have otherwise unconventional music choices in your wedding?

Tata Trouble

Okay, for the record, this is TOO MUCH INFORMATION.
You have officially been warned.

I'm having a couple problems with this whole breastfeeding thing.

Before you jump on me about how breast is best etc, let me clear up right here and now that despite cracked nipples, latch issues, all kinds of soreness, a plugged duct in the beginning, and countless times wincing so badly at the pain of latching on that I wasn't sure I'd ever be able to continue with it, I'm not even thinking about giving up. These aren't those kinds of problems.

These are "other" problems.
Like how my breastfeeding Snapdragon affects "others" and alters the ways in which I interract.

1. Yes, that's my boob you just saw. Quite possibly my nipple.
I am, in fact, going to feed my child. Wherever we are that he is hungry. I understand that it might bother you, but watching you chew sometimes bothers me too.
At least, these are things I want to say, but in fact, it bothers me, and it hurts me that people who were my friends five minutes prior suddenly act like they not only can't SEE me, but also that they can't HEAR me either when I'm nursing Snapdragon.
Why is it, and HOW is it that people, women even, can be so thoroughly incapable of coping with the act of feeding an infant that they have to completely tune out my existence while I feed him?
I just don't get it, and it hurts. It hurts when family pretends I'm no longer there, and when suddenly I don't get to voice opinions just because I'm feeding a baby. Maybe it'd make more sense to me if I was the only woman in my peer group who has procreated, but I'm not, and this alienation hurts not only me, but every other woman who sees it and subconsciously learns that breastfeeding is anathema.

2. Please don't kiss my while I'm nursing. My brain can't handle it.
I know I don't want to be ignored, but Spouse, my brain can't do two things at once with the same parts, so don't try to turn me on while I'm feeding the baby. That's ten kinds of creepy feeling for me. K? Thanks. As a matter of fact, don't kiss me. Let me decide when I want to kiss you and I'll let you know one way or another. That's what gods gave us text messaging for.

3. No, I'm not going to stay home to do this, nor am I going to wear a burka.
See? I am feeding a baby. Not doing a strip tease. There is no reason to panic. If it's going to turn on one of your creepy friends, that's not my problem. I'm feeding an infant, and there is no heavenly reason why I shouldn't be able to do it in any of the myriad places I need to be over the course of the day. Dear? Get over it. If you tell me to be more discrete when you're showing more chest than I am one more time, we might need legal counsel.
Seriously though, it hurts that my spouse still continues to treat breastfeeding like something to be hidden away in a corner. Why should a woman be taught to feel ashamed of doing the single most healthy thing she can do for her child? Worse still, what is Mongoosine learning every time he says something unsupportive? i'd hate to think that she's internallizing his views of nursing in public, because one day I'd like to think that if she has children, she'll do everything she can do for them to make sure that they're healthy and have ever developmental opportunity possible.

4. I don't want your germs on the tatas, that's for Snapdragon!
Allrighty then, you've already established you can't dissociate the sexual function from the nonsexual function of the tatas, so let me help you. NOT FOR PLAY. Not for foreplay either.
I admit it, I am having a hell of a time trying to switch on and off the whole sexual/nonsexual function thing in my head, and frankly, I have this constant fear of contaminating them. Did I mention this is TMI? Well, I do. And it's a problem because it leaves me feeling like I have to constantly be on the defensive whenever there's any bit of groove back-getting. I know this is mostly a me problem, but nonetheless, it's a problem.

5. No, he's not spoiled, and if you say that again you're gonna get a bloody nose.
The biggest problem. I am sick and tired of all the CIO fanatics and Spouse telling me that he's spoiled. It's called on-demand feeding. Get over it. I'm doing it because he knows his needs better than a schedule does. I'm doing it because leaving a baby to be miserable and frightened and hungry in the other room because I want to not gross someone out by, gods forbid, feeding a baby, is wrong. Yes, I'll let him cry while I run to the bathroom or if I'm doing something that needs to be done that I can not safely do while holding or feeding him, such as tending the stove, but I am NOT going to just sit there and let him cry! Got that? And having your needs met isn't being spoiled. It's being respected as a human being.
The worst part about this perspective, this false idea that I can "spoil" my infant, is that other women hear these comments. They hear mother's being told to let their babies cry and only feed them on a schedule. They hear the unsupportive dad's scoff that it doesn't really physically hurt to listen to your baby cry in the other room, and they think it's true and grow up expecting that if you meet the needs of your child that they'll grow up broken and spoiled. And that's a problem.

So yeah, I admit it. I'm having some tata trouble. Not entirely sure how to handle it, but I'm working on it. If nothing else, by the time Snapdragon is fully weaned, I should have managed to readjust some of these issues to the point that they aren't problems. Then my problem will be something like convincing Snapdragon that the tatas aren't for him anymore...