Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Something Wicked This Way Comes

I feel another comin' on.
I have them.
One minute I'm on top of the world, the next I'm crying an wondering if there's a point to living at all. Or I go from placid to so angry I can feel the heat pouring off of me. Don't even get me started on that little beastie called "irritation," or it's big brother "frustration."
I get mad, sad, angry, frustrated, irritated, feel fury that makes me rage and pull at my hair.
I'm sure you have your moments too.
Like when someone changes your clothdiapers laundry and doesn't bother to say "hey, does all this go in the dryer?" Or when your ten year old picks up your ocarana and decides to spend the whole day trilling really high pitched notes, making your teeth itch. Or when you go to grab that last coveted piece of chocolate that you've been hiding only to find that your spouse raided your chocolate stash. That one's serious. It almost engendered txt messages with words like "divorce lawyer."
Okay, maybe lately, being less than 3 months post-partum, I'm still a little hormonally over the edge with the moody.
That said, more and more, the one thing that keeps me in check, the one thing that keeps me somewhat balanced, is this little nursling of mine.
Spouse jokes that I had him to keep me sane.
I joke that he looks like the mailman.
Somehow he thinks my joke is far less funny than his.
Either way, on some level, he's right.
I can't imagine these awful mood swings if they weren't soothed by milk drunk smiles and midnight snuggles. I don't know how I'd buoy my spirits anymore without toothless smiles and fluffy butt. I don't know how I'd remember hope without wordless babbling and feeling his breathing while wearing him in his sling.
Snapdragon is my own personal Prozac, and I am thankful for and to him each and every day.
He keeps me just enough inside the box that everything might be okay after all.

What keeps you balanced?

4 reflections:

Anonymous said...

Peanut is definitely the reason I don't just get in my car and disappear these days. Although, would I be bitching at my husband or feeling overwhelmed and tired if it wasn't for Peanut? Hmm.... chicken or the egg?

Pamela said...

Lexapro is what does it for me.

Hippie Witch said...

3 things
1 sweet baby snuggled against my chest when the house is quiet
2 being lucky enough to have raised a 4 yr old who will randomly tell me she loves me and need a hug
3 Reiki...since I have little time to meditate these days, I give myself Reiki treatments while breastfeeding

Gwenn S. said...

Hi, just found your blog not too long ago. I feel just like that at times. I have a sweet one who will be 3 months on the 20th and she is also what keeps me sane most days. I have 4 kids and it gets pretty overwhelming some days. (like today) Thank god for school!

P.S. Hide you chocolate in the underwear drawer---no ones likely to go rifling through there!