Thursday, June 04, 2009

Addiction and the Modern Housewife

Hello, my name is Slee and I am addicted to paper towels.

Before you go screaming into the night, let me explain how I developed it.
A few years back, and by few I mean 7, I got really really sick. Not just praying to the porcelein goddess sick, but weeks in the hospital sick. While I was there I had my gallbladder removed, was treated for gastrits and pancreatitis, and nothing seemed to help. For some reason my analayse and lipase levels just wouldn't normalize. Finally, the sickness calmed down to the point that my doctor supposed I'd live if sent home, and so that's just what they did. I immediately found out that if I ate anything even a little bit fatty, I, once again, got horribly sick. I lost a lot of weight, but it wasn't a healthy weight loss, and frankly, I enjoy remembering that period just about as much as I enjoy the awkward middle school years.
What does this have to do with paper towels you ask?
Well, I quickly found that the only way I could eat a lot of foods was if I wrapped them in a papertowel or two and smashed them with my spoon, fork, small animals, whatever. Just so long as I applied enough pressure to encourage the excess oils to migrate into the absorbant paper towel, I could eat semi-normal food, and not lose my lunch.
At one point I dropped 70 lbs because I couldn't hold food down, so when I could finally eat again through the modern miracle of paper towels, it was a pretty good day.
But this bred an affair with paper towels that I just don't know how to break.
I use them to blot my food. I use them to clean in the kitchen. I use them to wash my windows.
It's not a pretty addiction, but I confess, nonetheless, I have it.
One of these days I'm going to find a papertowel alternative that doesn't make my stomach turn at the thought of wrapping it around my hamburger, but til then, is it okay if I babysteps my way to greener? Is it enough to stop using them to clean the kitchen for now?
Surely cutting consumption in half is better than doing nothing, right?
Or, am I, like any good addict, just making excuses for my continued abuse of my drug of choice?
I'll choose to think that even if it's not sustainable, it's still a little greener than where I was.
If I don't mention this again, you'll know I'm suffering papertowel replacement fail. Any suggestions?

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