Dear Spouse, I don't know if you're reading my blog these days, but if you are, perhaps you may benefit from a list of Mother's Day gifts that wouldn't make a mama force a fake smile. We know you see through those fake smiles, but we still feel obligated to feign them.
1. Jewelry is always a winner, but make it something special. Freshwater pearls are always a refined gift, or something handmade and one of a kind off Etsy or Artfire. Personally, I love pink pearls more than I should, and have you seen the glory going on in bionicunicorn's shop?
2. Water Guns. Not even joking. You know, so I can water the plants the kids bring home from school at 20 paces... Okay, really I just want some Rub 'n Buff in nice metallic finishes to make a steampunk blaster out of one, but I would use it to water plants at a distance, and possibly to wake the tween up when she gives me trouble in the morning.
3. Tickets to a show, wrapped up in a sweet little clutch. Like this one from Brooke Van Gory
4. A flashlight. Flashlights are cool. Might I suggest the 10th Doctor's Sonic Screwdriver flash light from Think Geek? It's a safety and security thing, but mostly a geek thing. Of course, you'd be wise to say it's because I'm the light of your life.
5. A Gift Card to Barnes & Noble so I can buy some choice ebooks for my Nook. (Anyone else might want to look before leaping and get the right gift card for said Mother's ereader. If she doesn't have an ereader yet, maybe that's what you should be looking at.)
6. I want a massage. You can give me one or hire someone who knows what they're doing. I recommend a full day at a spa if you're feeling generous. Maybe get a pedicure before releasing all the tension from my shoulder. Just think you can watch NASCAR while I'm gone, so if you can get mom to watch the kids for me too, it'll be a total win-win.
7. For you to step outside your comfort zone and take me out for Indian food. Yes, Indian. Garlic naan and goodnes. No, they don't serve hamburgers, yes, you will live.
8. Those shelves I've been pestering you about. Shelves = organization. If you don't want to build them, there are some lovely cabinets out there which would make me happy, but I would still like those shelves.
9. Handmade soap. It makes me happy and feels wonderful. Personally, I'm lobbying for some Zombie Punch.
10. And if none of these seem to float your boat, and you're still looking to float mine, maybe you could indulge my spiffy socks habit and add some rainbow stripes to my collection. Seriously. Rainbow Stripe socks. Can't go wrong. That, or Wonder Woman Underoos.
Alright, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "why do you need a gift from your spouse on Mother's Day?" Well, quite simply, it's because I'm the mother of your children. It's kind of a big deal. Don't worry, I promise not to buy you an ugly tie for Father's Day. No ties at all, unless they're cool. Deal? Good.
P.S. Chocolate is always a good addition to any gift.